Small large steps
Wednesday, July 10, 2013 @ 1:35 AM
Healing. I never thought of it this way until someone pointed it out. I didn't link the 2 issues together and think of this as a deep-rooted problem that I have. The 2 issues are years apart. I was stupid. I still am. I think it's a little too much to say that this is a defining problem of mine cause no more than a few people know about it but yet it bothers me on a regular basis.
I've always believed that emotionally, one can heal. It doesn't take much effort but over time. But what are the physical things you can do to aid this emotional healing? It differs for everyone and mine seems to start with reading.... a book. I really hope it helps. If it doesn't, my desperation level would go up resulting in my skepticism level down and me trying something I don't really believe in. I wonder if it would work that way factoring my non-belief in it.
This time, I'm done. For good. Not gonna fall into the same hole again cause like I've told myself: "Looking for trouble, digging my own grave". I need to stop getting myself into shit because I always fall deeper and each time it's harder to get out of it. Maybe I don't want to (get out of it) enough to actually get out of it but I am really absolute on my decision right now. Not only this moment but for instances to come. All I need to do is think back and reflect on this crappy feeling. I'm sure it'll help.
Oddly, I feel better after telling someone about it. In depth (to a great but not maximum extent) too. Yet, I feel worse. I guess I feel better on the guilt side but worse on the moral side of this issue.
I'm gonna try looking at this from another point of view and hopefully, find some.. closure? Big words.
Then again, an easier way to stop all these is to put it at the back of my mind and hope it never comes back to haunt me.
"Self-worth". This really got me thinking. Similar to self-esteem, this is a term used to reflect a person's overall emotional evaluation of his/her own worth. I've got shitty insecurities that got me into this. Maybe I need to identify and blast them but that's easier said than done.
All I wanna do is watch cartoons all day and forget about them troubles. Counting down to my BKK weekend now. Can't wait.