Thursday, December 9, 2010 @ 6:47 PM
This morning:
8am : ugh
8.15: ugh
8.30: 5mins
8.45: 1min
8.50: I'm aw..........
8.55: REALLY AWAKE
*think*
It's Thursday.
Okay I can make it.
At most I beg the teacher if I'm late by a minute or two.
8.58: UGH FORGET IT, IT'S PAULINE.
But what also happened simultaneously was:
"You might as well drop out"
"Whole day only know how to use computer"
"You are useless"
"Why did I give birth to you?"
"Don't waste my money"
"I promise myself I will not bring you to HK"
"You are a disappointment"
"Why don't you go and die?"
Imagine being me. Waking up almost everyday to such words. We're at our worsts in the mornings. With me being the dead sleeper and her hurling hurtful words, non stop. She may think I can't hear it, but I sure as hell did. And I remember them all.
You know, I really don't mind, and don't care if you leave for work and leave me alone. You say I'm not independent. I can't wake up on my own. I'm a useless fag. "All the jiejies and korkors and wake up on their own". I'm not forcing you to help wake me up. I am grateful for you, I thank all my stars for you. Without you, I don't know how else to survive.
But how can I stand being insulted all morning?
Not as if you don't know me. You think I'm asleep, but I'm half awake, about to get up. Then comes your words. Being me, I would purposely irritate and annoy you. I would pretend to be sound asleep as if I didn't hear anything. I would do the opposite of what was expected. I would make you so fucking pissed off at me, like how I normally am at you in the mornings.
Why must you consistently say hurtful things to me in the mornings? :(