Friday, September 18, 2009 @ 6:44 PM
I hope their marriage won't work. I hope they end up in a divorce. Since I grew up in a(n almost) single-parent family, it wouldn't make any difference to me. If there would be a difference, it's that I'm happier and healthier. With all the fucking attitude and secondhand smoke gone, I don't see why not.
Last night, volcanoes erupted. Pretty dramatic, I would say. I cried like crazy, finally fell asleep at near 4? I give up on him. I'm not going to try and make peace, never again. I rather be left homeless on the streets and be raped by countless foreign workers than tell people he's my father. It's embarrassing and humilating to have such a father, or rather, to be related by blood to such a man. They both come from the same factory. I always thought mine was better. Aparently, mine isn't.
In fact, mine's the worst, worstest out of the worst. I don't know how I ever survived, but I'm glad I did. If you're going to tell me this is another little quarrel and it will be okay again, it isn't. I swear by my life it isn't. Things will never be okay. I will never acknowledge him as my father ever again, and I don't want to have anything to do with him. If I could, I'd take out every single cell in me that is linked to him, every single drop of blood, up to the very last drop. He will be transparent in my eyes, mute to my ears, and totally non-existent in my life.
I'm not ungrateful. I'm just fed up with living with such a fucking asshole, I've reached my limit. Actually, I reached it, long ago. But he just had to keep pushing it, didn't he? No more CNY, birthdays, Christmas, or any other occasion with him, because I will severe all ties with him. Don't say I'm harsh. If you know my story, you wouldn't say so. Don't tell me I'll regret, because I won't. Even if he drops dead this very second, I won't care. I don't give a damn about him living or dead. I'd rather he die, but I won't curse.
Don't tell me anything, because I won't hear it. I will not, never, ever forgive him. Because right now, I fucking hate, detest, abhor him so much. I hate that his blood is running in me, I hate that I may have some of his features, I hate that I'm here because of him.
It's not the same as any other. If it was, I wouldn't be still mad now, 18hours later. If it was, I wouldn't curse him and want to severe all ties. If it was, I wouldn't hope my parents divorce. I don't know how people live with that man. He is the ultimate loser of all kinds.
Not family. No family of mine. Tell me:
Does your father go to Geylang and play mahjong almost everyday?
Does he bet on soccer matches like he prints money?
Does he resort to violence when things don't go his way?
Does he stay out til God knows what time?
Does he never spend time with his family at all?
Does he scream at you to reason things out?
If you don't have that situation, shut the fuck up.
Screw you, Teng Soon Quee.