samantha's

2012

2012-01-03T01:43:00.000+08:00

So the past year, and through the many years back, I realised one thing. Okay I had MANY realisations but THIS is the one thing I wanna share:
You Can't Please Everyone

So, make sure you, YOURSELF are happy before trying to please others. It's like you can't love another without loving yourself. It more or less works the same way. This is probably why I may seem selfish to some people, in some circumstances. If it's little things that will please someone and does not adversely affect you, yes go ahead and please that person. But NO, NO NO NO when you will feel upset or anything slightly veering towards the negative end of the scale. Insert compromise here if necessary but it barely works out for me so I'm choosing to be selfish and think of my own happiness in front others'.

Then again, family and a select few friends are people you can NEVER say no too. That's for me though. I can't say no to my mum. I REALLY HATE bringing in the clothes but if she asks, I'll do it. I also REALLY HATE going downstairs from my bedroom just to open the door for my sister, but I still do it, even when she has the key. I can't say no to stupid requests made my Andy and neither can I reject a date with XinJie cause I love her too much. Don't really know what I've sidetracked to here, but the bottom line is to make sure you are happy, before wanting to make another happy. I believe that happiness spreads like a disease, just as laughter is sometimes contagious.

That aside, 2011 was really epic #boringfail. I probably wasted so much time and will regret all that one day. I can't be bothered to work, I can't be bothered to wake up in the mornings. I can't be bothered to attend most classes whenever possible and I really, really can't be bothered by the fact that my grades are barely up to my expectations but I'll leave all that to another day.

I live in a mess physically (bedroom) and mentally. In my head, life happens like a stock market. Unpredictable. Always changing. But I feel stuck. It's like everything is moving up forward on but me. Ever get that feeling? I'm like that most of the time. Especially so in Semester 2.2 cause my lessons are just..... ok I don't have a word for it. Too little seems under and too much is a huge overstatement.

My 2012 resolutions include the usual stuff like:

I will be nicer to people, even those I dislike.
I will be healthier.
I will do my assignments ahead of schedule.
I will study WAY before tests/exams. Hah!
I will be a tidier person.
I will not spend money like water.
I will cherish what I have, and thrash what doesn't matter.

Well it goes on but I can't type anymore. I will update with pictures next time but here's my current favourite picture of me! No face HAHAHA but I really LOVE the colours. This dress is my new can't-be-bothered-to-put-something-presentable-on dress :D

2011-12-01T01:57:00.001+08:00

Feeling really sad for no particular reason right now and this feeling sucks. Haven't felt like this in awhile.. Such an uncomforting familiar feeling that I can't help.

Supposed to be feeling really happy right now. Yet......

Nails

2011-10-20T10:10:00.002+08:00

Out of boredom, waiting for iOS 5 to download, while looking for episodes of my weekly drama doses and other whatnots - including procrastinating uploading pictures from Korea, I'm gonna upload pictures of "nail arts" I've done before.

I didn't take pictures of ALL the designs I've ever done but a few &I can proudly say I'm proud of them :)

In no particular order:

Testing out polish colors on my mum's nails..

3D polka dots..

PIKACHU :3

Cupcake.. though it looks weird.

Random combination.. but I like the one on my index finger:)

Love the colors on this!!

Seasonal design :P

Plain full-on glitter..

I like the hotpink/orange printed ones best :)

Now to watch dramas, play The Sims & whatever else I can busy myself with, except what I'm really supposed to do.

Lost

2011-10-14T16:11:00.001+08:00

Yes I am. Currently at the basement of Dongdaemun resting my feet and waiting for meeting time. And making use of wi-fi.

Seoul has been amazing, especially Myeongdong! Yesterday was a huge waste of time cause we were just traveling around and delayed flight and ugh. Whole day traveling.

Okay they found me. Or rather, I found them xD

Shopping time!!

Jeju

2011-10-13T08:41:00.001+08:00

Amazing:) Pictures when I get back! Or tonight, when there is computer with internet access in our hotel room... Damn happy throughout the entire trip so far.. The weather is so nice, I'd love Singapore x10 more if our weather was like this!

Other than gastric on the first day (Tuesday) and the after effects on the next day, this trip is so worth it. Drank with 4 other people last night and surprisingly I woke up, feeling tired as usual but at least moving about!

Currently waiting for a domestic flight back to Seoul where the shoppings are. Will definitely get everyone something!!

Mixed Feelings

2011-10-10T19:31:00.001+08:00

Flying to Korea in another 6 hours.

Firstly, I hope that it's easy and comfortable to sleep on the plane. Can't imagine having to last through Tuesday if I don't get satisfactory sleep tonight!

And next, I don't know how to feel!! Gonna miss home so much & yet the idea of having fun in Korea is simply overwhelming. Gosh. Probably gonna be the only time in my life I get to travel to Korea? Okay, super looking forward to it now. And I love plane food :D

Then I also wish that the weather would be nice, without rain! I'm not bringing an umbrella so weather, please be nice. And my period also don't come on time/early, best.

Don't really know what I'm saying. Mixed Feelings, as I've said.

23 Sept..

2011-09-24T01:00:00.000+08:00

Whatever happened to talking things out? I'm half embarrassed to say I no longer find myself wanting to do that. It was so easy previously, but I guess we all changed. I don't know how to bring this topic across to you. I can't help feeling like a true bitch, although it's half true in other situations, but I really, really just don't know how to broach the subject anymore.

It's not as if it never was mentioned before. I dare say it has, and quite a few times at that. Things have come this far, and there is no room for regrets. It can no longer be changed. I'm really okay with it, I mean, I can just deal with it. I am capable of adapting to undesirable consequences, it's only a matter of whether it will be worth it? Don't know whether to just shrug it off and let people say "I told you so", or feel disappointed and keep it to myself..

Why don't you come talk to me instead? I realized I have been the one dealing with past similar situations head first. Not that I'm complaining, cause it really helped. This time, it's so same, yet vaguely different.

Today

2011-09-20T21:41:00.000+08:00

This is the life! Although filled with extreme boredom but imagine falling asleep to cartoons and waking up to watch even more cartoons! Only if I could choose my cartoons... I've been sleeping in my parents' room for slightly over a week now and tonight I'm moving back to mine. I always liked sleeping with my mum, it feels like... a hotel room in a good way :).

Out of momentarily boredom between commercials today, I did these:

This new interface is awesome. Especially uploading.. I might come back to blogging afterall.

Random thoughts of the night..

2011-09-15T01:17:00.002+08:00

Gosh I love the iPhone and all it's amazing apps. Just downloaded a whole lot of them and totally loving it! Sometimes I DO wonder what would I be without my phone. Or if I'd ever change out if iPhone. I seriously doubt I would cause it's plain amazing.

Anyway, the holidays so far has been pretty boring. Really don't wanna work this holidays so I shan't and instead shall just nua at home all day long. This is THE life I tell ya;)

Breakfast with mummy tomorrow morning followed by movie at XJ's place in the afternoon. Results will
be out Friday, or rather, tomorrow and I'm not feeling anything!! Not scared not worried. Neither am I confident though.. This is somewhat worrying but no I can't feel the worry either. Hoping to pass and move on to the next semester...

Currently craving:

Korea in less than a month. Fricking excited!!

2011-09-04T14:14:00.002+08:00

In fucking deep shit.

Just realised I cannot just study the shopping cart points cause it's really really insufficient so I've a few hours left to go. Having horrible menstrual cramps these 2 days, add them to the mental pressure I'm giving myself equates to a really short tempered and easily annoyed me.

I've been using the computer for about 1/2h already yet not studying has been done urgh!

Can't wait for exams to be over cause I'm having Swensen's with XinJie & I can finally resume my whole day nuaing schedule without feeling guilty.

On a happier note, I went to queue for the H&M last night. Awesome would be minus the crowd. Shopped for 45mins, fitting room queue was 45mins and cashier was about 15mins. Add another 30mins to that for the queue to enter the shop. I'm usually a more efficient shopper... But bought quite a few items and the best buy was a really comfy bra ;D

2011-08-17T18:18:00.001+08:00

We want so much, but we can't have it all.

National Day 2011

2011-08-12T17:16:00.003+08:00

As promised, we went to celebrate the nation's birthday together again, this year :)

So we started off at Sentosa, nuaing by the beach before showering and heading on to our fireworks destination. I have pictures from part II of the day, which are all fireworks spams so nah I'm not gonna waste time uploading..

Sometimes a girls day out like this is all I need :)

2011-08-10T22:04:00.001+08:00

Kind of sad that TNS has officially ended after tonight. It definitely has been my favorite subject this semester but all good things must come to an end :(

I'll definitely miss my flat mates and the thought of sitting through our tutor droning on in class which although is boring, but I liked being in the class.

2011-08-07T11:27:00.001+08:00

Only slept after 4am last night, yet I'm up pretty early this morning to a rainy weather. Why can't I fall back asleep? :(

Mum's making ondeh ondeh in the kitchen. Hope it turns out good!

2011-08-06T02:47:00.001+08:00

Happy. How the little things make me smile makes me smile :)

2011-08-03T15:24:00.003+08:00

Ever wondered what life would be like if some choices weren't made?

No, I never regretted most of my life choices, but just wondering. What if I studied during my O levels, would I have ended up in AE or AMS instead? Would I still have picked RMT over them? Would I have scored well enough for Psychology? Thinking back now, I'm really glad I chose RMT. Though I'm not certain which path I want to continue on after graduation, I know business is my thing, not engineering.

But at the end of 3 years, what do I want? What do I expect from this est. $40k education? Will I be able to make enough money to cover this education cost in a year? 2 years? Will I be able to afford University if I were to choose it? Will I have to part time work and study to pay for U? Will that even be enough? What if I can never afford U?

I'm starting to plan ahead, months at a time. This time, not only in the form of materialistic buys but also, education. I keep thinking, how much money to put into each event? The trip to Korea. Sufficient backup money. McQueen clutch. Chanel bag. JC shoes. Renovations. University. Possible further education. Will I ever be able to afford all these?

Let's face it, I wasn't born with a silver spoon. I will never ever be able to afford much without saving, working, and being shrewd. I no longer make impulse purchases just because I'm not the one paying. Even though I still can't fully pay my own bills, I try to pay half of them, or maybe a quarter.... or a smaller fraction. But that's not the point.

I've come to realize that I will never be able to afford everything I want. Sometimes, no matter how hard I try. I've been eating breakfast from home and lunch in the evenings at home just to save some money. I've cut down my online and physically purchases by about 300% and guess what. All I've got is a meager $xxx. Not even 4 digits. And I still owe my mum money. If I were to repay them all, I doubt I can even afford my next meal.

Do I blame the society for influencing me, us? Everything is about brands now. Brands label you. I become more materialistic with each passing day. I won't deny. I save so much, just to buy something materialistic and regret later, because if I ever changed my mind about U, all those money spent would've been put to better use with education. Then again, so many graduates nowadays Starting pay? $2k? So pathetic.

My thoughts are in a huge jumble, all because of money. The affordability of things is no longer there. Singapore is becoming a really expensive place to live in. Basic things like a pack of this orange drink. Got it at about S$4.50 in Lombok and its S$9 here in NTUC. Cab fare. A 10mins trip to school costs about $7 on the average, whereas a 30mins trip to the city costs the same there. Of course, the state of the economy, safety and everything else can't be compared. We're paying premium prices to live in a more 'premium' place. But is it worth it?

Ugh I'm rambling on pointless & nonsensical stuff again...

2011-07-11T00:51:00.000+08:00

Can't have a proper conversation without throwing insults at each other but I find it so amusing and partly annoying. Are you playing games? Do you want me to play along? I can't take you seriously at all, you know that? Nothing's gonna come out of this, I will make sure of it.

Same troubles. At the same time. Not gonna reveal much cause this is really too personal to share. Even with the bitch.

-

MST results are more or less out. Left with one last paper which I'll be receiving tomorrow. Finally got an A after so long. I don't even recall the last time I was genuinely proud of my own results. I set different standards for myself. A pass does not equate to half of the entire paper's worth. A pass, to me, is having a 60%. And that is only acceptable. I would never verbally admit that to anyone though, but I don't mind everyone knowing. It's no big deal for the world to know you've expectations for yourself.

Anyway, this A I got was kind of a shocker. Expected a B but here it is, my first A :). Gonna reward myself with this pair of boots from ASOS. This is the first and last time I'm rewarding myself in a minor exam.

I've been pretty happy lately, especially this past week living in Temasek Green. Online shopping at night and talking with hui before falling asleep. This thing Geraldine said that still makes me smile cause I'm bitchy like that. Having good food when requested and finally managed to save some money.

The debts are piling up. No, I'm the creditor this time and I'm gonna harass you all for my money back cause I've shoes to buy ;)

2011-06-01T17:00:00.000+08:00

Mid-semester tests next week :/

2011-05-29T00:10:00.003+08:00

I'm back to blogging. I hope.

Anyway, spent the night out yesterday! Kinda pissed initially, but nothing can spoil my mood! It was actually cause I was informing my dad I will be out late/won't be home (undecided at that moment). And at the same time I mentioned that my phone battery was low and it probably wouldn't last me through the night. And he gave me that fucking arrogant tone saying "don't give me excuses". Hello? If you had known your daughter better, I wouldn't even give you a call about my whereabouts if I wanted to go gallivanting around. In fact, I would at that moment just hang up and ignore you again but no no no, I am a good tempered person now. Kinda still annoyed at how I'm trying to be a responsible person here and get accused of giving excuses.

Last night, was awesome. One word: AWESOME!

My very first Gold Class movie watching experience with the BITCH.

Okay after uploading that one miserable picture I don't think I'd bother to add anymore, lol. All pictorial documentations can be found on Facebook :). Which reminds me, you know I took 5 whole minutes to look for the upload button on FB, like WTF.

Movie was at 12.20am and therefore we were stuck there after that. Went around the mall taking pictures of not me and well, I was kind of scared when bitch had to go into the toilet. I contemplated following him in but in the end waited outside and constantly talked instead. Walked over to Sentosa after that and wow, the casino IS CROWDED. I mean, for the time it was, the place was pretty crowded. Lotsa foreign workers entering and exiting plus middle aged couples & towards 5am, coaches of auntys and uncles.

Wanted to pick mummy @ the airport in the morning but her flight ended waaaaaaay earier than the stipulated time. So I went straight home instead and slept at maybe 8am?

This is a really short post. I reeeeeeally wanted to blog everything out, but brief is good. In fact, I had a hard time remembering all that stuff! Still pretty huh at the night. Had a few firsts! First time leaving a mall last at night, first time walking into Sentosa from Vivo, first time lying on the ground in public waiting for.. a sunrise that didn't happen -__-", first time watching a movie in GOLD CLASS! Okay I don't recall much right now.

Anyway, gold class was amazing. 3x the price, probably not worth every cent, but with ULTRA COMFY seats that feels like you are in your own home/bed and blanket and butler service which we did not use. Did I mention the lounge where they serve you tidbits? And the toilet that was almost like a tiny ION without the camwhoring &makeup space? That is the life. If I could, I would want to watch every single movie form now on in gold class :). But food is pretty expensive. Had $25 by the time we went into the lounge and couldn't afford much...

Ahh, can't stop thinking about it. Gold, Class!

-

Watching Kungfu Panda 2 with minchi & the tiongpohkidz tomorrow.

-

And this was supposed to be Friday's glory: I was the Store Manager for 1st Avenue! I must be the first SM to come late, screw up inside, feel so blur and kalang karbok. Really! But it was overall a good experience. Can I write this in my resume? Store Manager @ 1st Avenue. From 27 May to 27 May, 2011.

Sales was.... okay I guess? Kinda messy and I didn't know what to do.

But still, Gold Class was the highlight of the day! <3

2011-05-06T16:34:00.002+08:00

Don't know what I'm thinking, or what I wanna do. Today is pretty horrible, but not as bad as Tuesday.

Late for my first tutorial in Store Management and had a long talk with the lecturer cause of it. Kinda glad that I have caring lecturers but I find it just so hard to explain about my sleeping habits. That aside, a few other things happened. Not everything is about school though. I just feel fucked up inside for no particular reason. You know how faking a smile is always easier than explaining, especially in this case, where there isn't anything to explain. Not just to anyone anyway.

I need to whine and complain about all sorts of shits happening now, then break down and cry. But who to? Not that I am turning away anyone but it's not easy to open up and talk about things bothering me when I can't even exactly pinpoint what is wrong. This sucks, I feel like I'm in a perpetual bad mood.

Not that I dislike where I'm at now, I'm thankful for having C and L here too but that doesn't cover what I feel from the others. Anyway, sitting in a lecture hall now, and I kind of feel happier than earlier on. J on my left, and C on my right, it's such a little thing that I never really noticed but am so happy about it right now. This year will be so different, not in a good way, but not in a bad way either. No thanks to nothing. You know what, I'm gonna stop here.

2011-03-27T23:27:00.002+08:00

I hate cancellations. I hate constant changing of plans.

That was probably why I blew up on Friday night. I don't apologize. It might have been some sort of hissy fit to some but I really am actually more of fucking pissed and not disappointed. From X hotel to Y hotel, to Z hotel. None of it came true. But it's okay, I sorta understand about the cost.

Then to this event that I didn't really particularly loved but it's okay cause I don't mind and dinner that I don't want. I wanted buffet, not steamboat but it's okay. Then to a 4 people (maybe 3) out of 7 for dinner to only 6 people coming to 3 people (maybe 2) for dinner. How can I not be pissed you tell me?! And the number of people mentioned includes myself!

It's like, I even made concessions. I HATE celebrating so early, 2 weeks earlier, just because person B is going overseas. And end up person B can't make it to celebrate? Person A, the closer one canceled on dinner!?

My normal temper would probably only tolerate up till the change to hotel Z but I just shut up and let it be. Friday night made me so so so damn fucking pissed, I canceled everything. I don't wanna celebrate anymore. XinJie said I said it out of frustration, so true. But at the same time, I meant it. It feels like they don't really have the ~feel~ to celebrate, and I don't wanna feel pissed celebrating my OWN day.

Even up till today, I'm still very. very. very. Pissed.

That's not all. Person A kept asking about 5 March, if we were still gonna celebrate together that day, the actual day. The actual day is 5 April. It's fucking 5 April. After mentioning 5 March twice she changed to mentioning 8 April. TELL ME HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO NOT BE PISSED?!

Call yourself my friends?

I can't bring myself to be disappointed. Doing so would only let myself down. I wouldn't blog this, but this issue has been swimming around my head for 2 nights, and I really gotta release this... anger somewhere. I hope I feel better doing this but I don't.

Screw this shit. I'm done.

2011-03-15T16:48:00.000+08:00

2011-03-05T18:33:00.000+08:00

So bored. But I can't be bothered to get out of the house to do something more... meaningful.

2011-03-04T23:19:00.004+08:00

So fucking hot ^^

So I woke up really early this morning, to go to the office with my mum to help with some editing. The day was pretty much pointless, except for the Aston's lunch :D. Spent my day playing facebook games, talking to mum, walking around, eating, and Viwawa at the end. Almost what I would do if I were home!

Was supposed to meet the bitch today too. But I guess we both got lazy, and I promptly fell asleep after dinner too -.-

My holidays will be pretty much boring..... except that since Wednesday, last paper, I've been waking up early all the way until today! And have to too, tomorrow. Sigh.. But I'm not complaining! It takes my mind off things.

2011-03-03T17:06:00.001+08:00

Woke up before 7am even though I slept at 5+am, just to go to Ikea, for the $1 breakfast with mummy. Promptly reached home at about 9am, couldn't get back to sleep, so I watched some shows, and......then fell asleep till just now!

My holidays are going to be filled with ME time :)

2011-03-02T23:19:00.002+08:00

So lazy and reluctant to bring my phone out nowadays. In the mornings, I wouldn't even check for missed calls or SMSes before leaving the house. The first time I check my phone would be when I receive a call and answer it (and will therefore check SMSes after the call) or when I'm bored in class. I wonder why?

Maybe it's cause I'm not waiting anymore. It doesn't matter. Maybe..... Yup, this must be the case. Then again, this increasingly often habit of mine is annoying the shit out of some people. Hahahhaa!

2011-03-01T18:11:00.002+08:00

Would you rather be the mistress - a "third-party", or the wife? Bear in mind that the wife cooks and cleans, takes care of the home and does all the whatnots, whereas the mistress lives in a home provided for by the guy and lives off an allowance provided by the guy. How is it fair? The poor, innocent wife is living in oblivion while the scumbag cheats on her, AND provides that skank with an even better life?

Just a thought. I must be watching too many dramas recently.

2011-02-22T00:22:00.002+08:00

Thinking about * less. Everything about * less. I got over that obsession period pretty fast :).

I've learnt not to look for, but to just let things be. It's not a must to have a guy. It doesn't matter. I have my stuff now. My exams are coming, my 18th BIG birthday is coming.. So many clique birthday celebrations to come.. Plus, I got things like having to work for money for Korea and Hong Kong! And the blogshop. This time round things look optimistic, yay!

Pretty busy actually. Could have planned my time properly so that everything wouldn't coagulate together but I'll never learn my lesson! About getting things done ASAP and preparing early.. Oh well!!

Job interview tomorrow, goodluck to us!

Just realised ny first paper is this Friday, not the next. So screwed.

Audio House

2011-02-21T15:44:00.000+08:00

If you've seen my tweet: "fucking pissed with audio house, their customer service, and "promises". will never, never ever buy from here ever again!".

Bought my Samsung from them in November during the IT show. Camera case was out of stock. All the way till last week when I called them for the thousandth time! Then I'm like forget it just take what they have since it's been two freaking months.

I was supposed to get the camera case for Samsung EX-1. I waited for 2 months to get some un-snuggly fitted camcorder case.

Seriously, Audio House. Who are you trying to kid? It's very obvious that this is not the "new model of camera case for your Samsung EX-1". It's a CAMCORDER case. The one I was supposed to get was brown and leather with cushioning. I ended up with some cheapskate looking cha-pa-lang.

Yes yes it's just a small matter but wouldn't you feel equally cheated?

Learnt my lesson this time. My first, and last purchase from Audio House.

2011-02-08T15:45:00.001+08:00

I am seriously considering about this thing...... Then again exams are coming and I'll be so busy :\.

Tired of my own train of thoughts.

2011-01-26T21:45:00.002+08:00

I thought year 2011 would be better, but who am I kidding? The same things are happening. Only difference is that I'm on better terms with my dad now, I don't know for the better or for worse?

It's only January and it's been one hell of a ride. Can't wait for the next 11 months to come.

2011-01-24T14:19:00.002+08:00

I feel like whining the shit out of myself. I'm having this episode of really, extremely horrible stomach cramps and there is nothing I can do about it. Popped a pill for "abdominal colic" and convinced myself it's the same as Panadol pink but alas! it isn't. -.-

2.5hours to my CDS research participant survey at 5pm. And I have a Psychology lecture at 6pm. Mummy's coming to pick me at 7pm after the lecture, and off we go to JB for dinner!! :D. Hope the crampszx go away or it'll be a horrible day. Oh why oh why oh tell me why am I not at home sleeping this off!?

2011-01-21T00:05:00.000+08:00

sad?

2011-01-16T15:26:00.000+08:00

I feel very much like this Pikachu above recently. And I don't know why.

schedule

2011-01-15T01:40:00.000+08:00

I aim to tidy everything. Like some sort of spring cleaning of my room, by 31 January, in conjunction with CNY this year :D.

Also invited the clique over for steamboat which we haven't discussed which date!

Therefore I need a schedule. I have 3 weekends but I think weekends are my nua days and I only work well at night before sleeping or some random afternoon after school. Dividing my room into 3 parts, I will do one area a week! And the goal is to create SO MUCH SPACE, I can put a piece of A3 paper on it, AND have space to do work still.

I'm such a lazy messy person. My future husband got to be neat! Not overly though, I can't stand it.

And this thing/deal with Fatchy.. Hope it works.

I feel a little gastricky now. This sucks cause I had a proper dinner at a proper time. In fact I think I'm getting fatter, again! But whatever.

Okay it's sleepytime. Promised Mummy that I WILL wake up to go down to TiongBahru with her and AhMa tomorrow. Ah food :)

lookbook.nu worthy pictures?

2011-01-15T01:16:00.002+08:00

I worry. Is this lookbook worthy?

I don't know what can I do to my background of 'my world' map. I don't have pretty scenery. I don't have blank wall. I can't edit to save my own life. Maybe I should try learning?

My pictures feel so inferior to the ones of established lookbookers. It's almost as if they have personal professional photographers following them everywhere to take such awesome pictures.

Shall seek the opinion of hui tomorrow night.......

2011-01-14T02:39:00.002+08:00

I really hate Thursdays. I can't explain. Isn't it obvious enough though? With 2 absents without reason, 3 MCs and reaching at 4.14pm every lesson I ever attend? First to leave, last to enter. It's not the class. It's not the people. It's just the timetable. This is how much it affects me. I tried changing it but there wasn't any available space. Glad I'm already more than halfway done with this CDS. Hope I do well for the test though, I;m sure to do badly in class participation because of my attendance.

Need to start attending lectures too. Must show them all.

You know how I feel every night? So much time alone, in my room. So much time to think, to consider, ask myself what do I want. What do I want out of this thing with x? What do I expect? Well I can't expect anything. Like a friend said, "always hope but never expect". The greatest disappointment comes form expectations. The higher your expectations, the greater the disappointment. Not that the higher your hope the lower your disappointment, but a hope doesn't bring as huge a disappointment as an expectation.

Think of it this way. You expected to get an A for English, but you got a C instead. And you hoped you would get an A, but got a C. Which situation sounds better? The latter right?

This thing with x set me thinking. About a lot of things. I must still like him a little, or a lot somehow, or it wouldn't affect me like how it does now. But I am not expecting anything out of this anymore. I've realised that I may not be the only one. Unless I'm absolutely positively sure, I will not think too much into this. But it's easier said than done. And you know what the only way for me to be sure is? You telling me yourself. Not through text, not through phone. But face to face. I doubt it will ever happen. Romantic dreams must die.

That aside, I've always dreamed of.................okay I'm keeping this thought private ;D

2011-01-11T02:24:00.002+08:00

I don't know how I can like someone so, so much but dislike him at the same time. Nothing has happened yet, so far. And I doubt anything would. We'll just remain as friends and I'll hope this friendship doesn't fade away.

It's like SP all over again, only this time it's different. I think I really need to stop thinking. My brain is too much of an obstacle. Sometimes I just think too much into a little thing, and beat myself up about it.

I have a folder titled "Daily Reads" in my IE favourites. I recently added one more to the list so now I have ten sites in there but the ones I really visit are sixbillionsecrets and lookbook. I used to read FML, then I moved on to GMH. Afterwards I found LGMH and starting reading all 3 of them. Somewhere along the way, I think I gave up hope, so I stopped reading the latter 2. Then I felt that FML is for whiny people, there are no real FML stories that really make me think "FYL" anymore. So I kind of stopped reading that too. In that folder, I have a celebrity gossip site and the other FML-ish sites which you can find at the top of the FML site. And a fashion blog....

Anyway. Point of this is, sixbillionsecrets. I can relate to most of what people post. But nowadays people are posting stuff like "if this gets posted i will/won't etcetcetc yadayadayada". I understand that not all secrets can be posted, but those posters are starting to annoy the hell out of me. Not that I can't sympathise with their situation but I feel sort of threatened. I do submit secrets too. Maybe 4 or 5 up till today. Have you ever wondered if any of those depressing suicidal secrets belonged to a friend of yours? One you might claim you know so well?

Something set me thinking. What if I disappeared for a day? A week? A month? Would anyone notice? I tried switching off my mobile a few weeks back. Didn't turn it on for over 24 hours. Maybe I'm an attention seeker in some way. I don't know. But I felt kind of hmmmmmmmz when I switched my phone back on. I'm not a very explicitly emotional person, but it would be nice to know someone cares. By the way, someone, in fact 2 people did notice I was sort of missing... so well :D. I think I'm rambling. I can't seem to sort out my thoughts before typing them out so they're all coming out in a jumbled blur.

In fact I still have a conclusion on my Macroecons article that I'm procrastinating right now. Got to print it later too. And draw 3 graphs.

I will admit. I am not at all times happy with the way I look. I love my legs, I love their length. I love how they look like at certain angles, but at some ugly fugly fat angle I feel so pissed off I just wanna cut off the fats. I think the media is bad. They give girls some sort of a "model body" that is impossible to achieve. I know I can never be as thin as those bitches, even if I could, I wouldn't. It scares me. It feels like a huge gust of wind might blow you over anytime. And my bone structure is THAT big in the first place. Oh I hate my feet. I swear they are 1.5x broader than a normal girl's. FML.

Then there are days where I look at myself in the mirror and love what I see. I see a smile. A real smile. I see happiness. I exude happiness. Only I can differentiate whether I'm genuinely happy or not. I haven't found someone who could see through these layers. I wonder, will I marry the guy who does?

I've known my bitch for 8 years already. I wouldn't say he knows me best, but I feel really, really happy with him. When we're together, I feel like myself. No sarcasm, no lies, no faking. I'm being me, I'm happy, I believe things will go well. It's like spending time with happiness. I think I'm the real me being me the best when I'm with him. We grew up together through all the awkward physical appearances periods and through the obsessions like Narnia and Kim Hyun Joong which I can think off my mind right now.

Sometimes when I take a lonely bus ride home, I think about dumb random moments with friends and I find myself laughing. Or when a current favourite song plays I smile to myself too. I like bus rides, I hate waiting. In the bus I have a lot of time to think. I'm a thinker.

I'm glad, and thankful for the friends in my life. Friends I really trust are countable with just one hand. Friends I often hang out with are countable with both my hands. I'm not a very sociable person, TYVM. But anyway, I'm thankful for them:).

Okay this blog post is really just a procrastination method and something to distract me from my econs article. Too bad it only took like 20mins. Back to work!

2011-01-08T20:05:00.001+08:00

I am seriously neglecting this space :(

2010-12-20T01:25:00.002+08:00

Love this picture:)

I dislike it when people stare at me, especially a random stranger. I'd have countless thoughts running through my head. It's something like a self-esteem issue but then again, it's not really. Like, I would wonder, are they thinking "oh, she's so fat!", "hey, that girl is tall", "omg". There are countless possibilities, and I would never know.

This is not random. This group of guys were staring at me as I boarded the bus earlier on. I'm not able to tell myself it's because of my height, because I would never find out. It just irks me when people stare till no end. I really start wondering and become very conscious about myself. Sometimes I may tell others that I don't care but I think deep down, I'm starting to care. Hope I won't let it affect me next time because I really get a lot of stares sometimes!

Just this evening, from this random person sitting at the bus interchange who looked up and looked at me all the way till.... I couldn't see him, and the above mentioned people. What is this.

2010-12-09T18:47:00.002+08:00

This morning:
8am : ugh
8.15: ugh
8.30: 5mins
8.45: 1min
8.50: I'm aw..........
8.55: REALLY AWAKE
*think*
It's Thursday.
Okay I can make it.
At most I beg the teacher if I'm late by a minute or two.
8.58: UGH FORGET IT, IT'S PAULINE.

But what also happened simultaneously was:
"You might as well drop out"
"Whole day only know how to use computer"
"You are useless"
"Why did I give birth to you?"
"Don't waste my money"
"I promise myself I will not bring you to HK"
"You are a disappointment"
"Why don't you go and die?"

Imagine being me. Waking up almost everyday to such words. We're at our worsts in the mornings. With me being the dead sleeper and her hurling hurtful words, non stop. She may think I can't hear it, but I sure as hell did. And I remember them all.

You know, I really don't mind, and don't care if you leave for work and leave me alone. You say I'm not independent. I can't wake up on my own. I'm a useless fag. "All the jiejies and korkors and wake up on their own". I'm not forcing you to help wake me up. I am grateful for you, I thank all my stars for you. Without you, I don't know how else to survive.

But how can I stand being insulted all morning?

Not as if you don't know me. You think I'm asleep, but I'm half awake, about to get up. Then comes your words. Being me, I would purposely irritate and annoy you. I would pretend to be sound asleep as if I didn't hear anything. I would do the opposite of what was expected. I would make you so fucking pissed off at me, like how I normally am at you in the mornings.

Why must you consistently say hurtful things to me in the mornings? :(

2010-11-01T03:06:00.002+08:00

Hi blogger, I miss posting long wordy heartfelt entries to you. And I'll be back, soon, before you know it.

Sometimes, talking to inanimate objects make me feel better.

2010-10-21T02:28:00.002+08:00

Things I want to do right now:

Go to Sentosa, have a good time and a good tan.
Have a nice night at Marina Barrage.
A night at MBS.

Things I want to happen right now:

Just this one thing.

2010-10-19T22:48:00.001+08:00

This, is my 2009 final semester results. However I managed to scrap through, I amuse myself.

2010-10-14T19:30:00.001+08:00

proud ^^

2010-10-08T00:48:00.003+08:00

I think I've posted this before, but it's meaningful.

-

I was told by XinJie that I'm worse tha melodramtic during the movie just now - Charlie St. Cloud, because I laughed too loudly. But I can't help it. The baseball hit his balls. HOW TO NOT LAUGH!?

Anyway, as C, J and X know, I've been happier recently. I like how things are going on for me right now. I'm gonna tell A tomorrow cause I can't resist keeping my mouth shut xD.

Went to Sentosa last week and got this great coloured tan but I was wearing a tank top so the tan lines are like.... er? Okay I'm going to tan properly after the skin finishes peeling. It's so disgusting, this peeling process. I can't wear sleeveless right now cause it's just plain........disgusting.

I am aiming for a camera. I will get a camera. I realised I am the type who gets what I want, in terms of reasonable materialistic possessions. I will find a way, no matter what, to own what I want. Why is this so?! People might think I'm a spoilt brat but hey! I achieve them with my psychoing skill and all that!

Okay enough of bullshit.

2010-10-07T09:57:00.000+08:00

I've been happier :)

2010-10-04T03:17:00.000+08:00

I love this picture.

2010-09-29T19:05:00.001+08:00

I'm not a dog person, neither am I a cat person. I'm not a fan of animal pictures but the above pug is just so fucking cute!

2010-09-08T15:36:00.002+08:00

Once upon a time, I didn't need to study to get those As.

Now that 3 papers are over, I feel insanely relived, but it feels weird to not be studying for a paper tomorrow. Since Sunday, I've been studying VERY last minute. Last night was the worst, I started at 11pm, watched TV from 11.30pm - 12.30am, and continued at 1am, only finished at 3am and sleeping at 3.30am. Miraculously, I DID wake up this morning to attend school for the paper. I hate the graphs in Microeconomics, but I'm glad that's over. There's Macroeconomics next semester though.. :\ I think the Marketing paper yesterday was the worst.

Height Issues and Deaf Sleeper

2010-09-02T14:24:00.003+08:00

The title says it all.

I can't freaking wear heels as and when I like. Sometimes, I get tired thinking about how the person(s) I'm going out with would feel if I turnup 10 cm taller than I already am. Everytime I put on a pair of heels before going out, I end up changing to a pair of flats before leaving. Sometimes I wear my heels, go to the bus stop, then come back home to change into a pair of flats before going out for real.

I don't dislike my natural height, I'm not mocking people shorter than I. I'm just sort of annoyed at why I can't wear heels. People can tell me: "Just wear it, doesn't matter what other think". I'm already 9cm taller than the average Singapore girl, with my heels I'll be like 19cm(!) taller. It would be awkward for them, surely, and it would be weird for us to talk when walking. I would have to bend, she/he would have to look up, imagine that!

I've this feeling that people are intimidated when they see me ~_~.

Also, I've noticed, people shorter than I am would -more often than not- look at me for the second time, and look down at my feet. Looking for the type of footwear? SLIPPERS PLEASE. Or maybe black flats. I have limited footwear choices with my insanely broad feet, that's why I love NewLook. But I can't afford their shoes, since I'm not working. Based on my meagre allowance, I can starve and buy those shoes, or buy those shoes and starve, you hear me?

What's with my ranting huh?

Height. It's just a number. It doesn't give you rise in the social circle, sure you have the advantage in two occupations in the world, but it doesn't really make a difference to me, does it? I'm not even interested. It's just a fucking number, I don't wish I were shorter, I just wish it would look awkward to be towering above them all. It's okay if I'm a guy, but I'm an XX-chromosome.

-

The Deaf Sleeper.

Not literally in that sense, but somewhat. When I sleep, everything turns off, I'm almost deaf. I cannot awake without physical shaking. It's.....weird. I don't know. I've never been able to awake at a set time without someone physically shaking me. I would have to be touching the alarm clock when it rings, or the phone when it vibrates incessantly. And it's not just a small shake, it has to be substantial. Anyone out there with the same problem? Quit telling me to sleep early, it doesn't help, and I can't fall asleep early no matter the time I lie down. Stop being ridiculous. You think I don't dislike it when I oversleep and miss something important?

2010-08-22T14:20:00.000+08:00

Last night was amazing!

30 Day Adam Lambert Challenge - Day 5

2010-08-17T13:00:00.000+08:00

Day 05: Your favorite Adam outfit

So happens that I have 2 favorites and this favorite outfit thing is repeated again a few days later, so watch out for the next! :D

30 Day Adam Lambert Challenge - Day 4

2010-08-16T13:00:00.000+08:00

Day 04: Your least favorite Adam song

It's..... Broken Open. Sorry, I just don't like it.

30 Day Adam Lambert Challenge - Day 3

2010-08-15T13:00:00.005+08:00

Day 03: Your favorite Adam song

Whataya Want From Me

If I Had You

For Your Entertainment

Want - I like this video, but not the sound quality. So go look for a better one!

I still can't decide between these 4...

30 Day Adam Lambert Challenge - Day 2

2010-08-14T13:00:00.001+08:00

Day 02: Your favorite performance (not on Idol)

This, is awesome :)

30 Day Adam Lambert Challenge - Day 1

2010-08-13T13:00:00.000+08:00

Day 01: Your favorite performance from American Idol

Mad World!

Of course, this isn't as awesome as the studio recording but I LIKE THIS SONG!

30 Day Adam Lambert Challenge

2010-08-13T12:43:00.004+08:00

I'M GIVING UP ON MY TUMBLR 30 DAY LETTER CHALLENGE HAHAHHAHAHA!

Instead, I'm going to do a Adam Lambert version. Gonna be scheduling posts for it right here(on blogger) and also on my tumblr so look out for it!

Why schedule? SO I WONT MISS A DAY AND CAN DO IT ALL AT ONCE HAHAHAHAHHAHA. Tumblr's scheduled posts will be out at 1pm daily and 1pm daily here on blogger too. WOOHOO!!!

Day 01: Your favorite performance from American Idol
Day 02: Your favorite performance (not on Idol)
Day 03: Your favorite Adam song
Day 04: Your least favorite Adam song
Day 05: Your favorite Adam outfit
Day 06: Your favorite Adam quote
Day 07: Your favortie picture of Adam with makeup
Day 08: Your favortie picture of Adam without makeup
Day 09: Kradam, Bradam, or Lambliff?
Day 10: Your favorite magazine photoshoot
Day 11: Whatever tickles your fancy (post whatever you want!)
Day 12: A song you’d like to see Adam cover
Day 13: A movie/play you’d like to see Adam in
Day 14: Your favorite Adam outfit
Day 15: Your least favorite Adam outfit
Day 16: Your favorite picture of Adam
Day 17: Something you absolutely love about Adam
Day 18: Your favorite picture of Adam before Idol
Day 19: A picture of Adam that makes you laugh
Day 20: The sexiest picture of Adam
Day 21: Your favorite Adam fan art or drawing
Day 22: Something that reminds you of Adam
Day 23: Whatever tickles your fancy (post whatever you want!)
Day 24: Your favorite interview (radio or TV)
Day 25: A TV show Adam should guest star on
Day 26: What should Adam have as his next single/music video?
Day 27: A celebrity you’d like to see Adam date
Day 28: A celebrity you’d like to see Adam sing with
Day 29: What you would say to Adam if you met him
Day 30: Whatever tickles your fancy (post whatever you want!)

Tumblr 30 Day Letter Challenge - Day 2

2010-08-03T23:05:00.004+08:00

DAY 2: YOUR CRUSH
Hi Crush,

For a start, only 5 people, including myself, know who you are. And I am now going to let the 4 of them know that I kind of crushed on you since Sec 2. Hahahahah! I think it was sort of an on and off thing but I'm not really sure myself either. Right now, generally it's sort of off but sometimes it's on. I don't know. I think about you and laugh whenever I have nothing better to do. Good times we had :D.

I still smile to myself and am secretly happy inside whenever you text me first. It has been almost 3 years? Now that I think back, oh-my-god! Aand, my heart still sometimes skips a beat, and I still sometimes hope it's you calling/texting in the middle of the night when I least expect it. I like your random sense of dumb humour and I really like it when you tell stupid jokes and say stuff that only you understand. Lastly, I did hear what you tried to tell me sometimes at night. You would mumble or cup the phone or something, but I heard it nonetheless:)

Okay, anymore information and I must just divulge who you are! Or maybe you would have guessed it yourself! Zip it, Samantha!

2010-08-02T10:52:00.002+08:00

Was playing a made-up game by Baby yesterday, where you had to think of what you wanted to do and scissors-paper-stone with your partner. You can only do it if you win and nothing happens if your partner wins. Damn cute please, cause Baby lost 3 times in a row when she needed to go to the toilet, hahaha!

Then there was a moment...
Baby: I want to er........ er....... I want to........
Regina: Pull Jocelyn's hair!!!! (or smack her or something I don't recall)
Baby: You stupid or what?! I am Jocelyn already la!
Baby is Jocelyn who is 8 years old. Regina is 13. Wlaoszx my cousins so cute please!

Tumblr 30 Day Letter Challenge - Day 1

2010-07-30T21:38:00.004+08:00

I got this from tumblr, and decided to do it here instead. However, all 30 letters wont be done consecutively cause I know I can't do it every day. Give me 2 months at most, and it will be done!

(click here)

DAY 1: YOUR BEST FRIEND
Okay this is a huge dilemma, I don't know whether to write to Andy, or XinJie.

XinJie, hi! I'm sorry I've been such a narcissistic late comer at all our dates but I still love you :). I seriously don't know how would I have ever survived those 4 years in Dunman without you, not that Dunman is vbad or horrible or something, you just made it better. Of course, now that we're both in poly - same campus, different building - and so busy with your tests and my projects, we hardly ever get to talk! I still remember there was a period of time where you had this PizzaHut craze, and my Kim Hyun Joong crazee time. Oh gosh I really don't know what to say, hahaha!

That's it. Look out for day 2 ok, hahahahahaha!

2010-07-30T20:25:00.000+08:00

Quite an amazing cover, I like. ^^

2010-07-29T00:25:00.002+08:00

It would be a VERY impulsive decision if I tattoo this on me. But I like it so, so much. Nice right? :}

2010-07-27T00:34:00.004+08:00

Hungry.

I love the new hotmail layout :D. I think they just changed it in 3minutes prior to me typing this chunk.

Last night was pretty horrible. Then again, it's not all that bad. Met up with my huihui at 9 plus to start compiling both of our dreamweavers, and we succeeded about 7.5hours after that. I'd like to thank Raymond for coming down in the middle of the night, and helping with one slideshow :D

That aside, the horrible part, SLEEP. I already had minimal sleep the night before, don't know how I was gonna actually last through last night. But I did! Till maybe 5.30 this morning? Mummy called at 5 and came at 5.20. Was home by 5.30, and somehow fell asleep after that. But, that was the LAST of my projects this semester, happy please! No, wait I take that back. Cause I still have year 1.2 in october and the MAJOR exams coming in about a month. Time flies, time flies. I will study hard, be efficient AND effective. Then, do well. I must not do worse than my mid-sem tests.

Totally wanna tweak my blogskin a little but the previous night's worth of dreamweaver already maxed out my html quota for at least the rest of the year! Can't wait for August, that's when my one month study break is :). And it's also when our plan goes into action (I seriously, honestly, from the bottom of my penniless heart hope so)..

I want to sleep like RIGHT NOW. But my hair is still wet and I absolutely refuse to sleep with wet or damp hair. And and I can play Baby on the keyboard, noob but the tune is there ^^.

Studying starts tomorrow. I must. Okay, I'm going to sleep. I cannot.............stay up anymore.

2010-07-24T00:13:00.001+08:00

Ok I absolutely cannot stand the html in tumblr. I think I'm like awfully blurred with all the html especially since I'm doing dreamweaver recently. So blogger, I'm back to you. Hahahahaha!

I've nothing much to say actually, cause life's been pretty boring.

I like looking at happy pictures :)

I have to buy me a nice camera to take nice pictures from now on. I have car funds, camera funds, and the ever depleting shopping funds. So many wants and needs and have to buys but SO LITTLE MONEY!!!!!!!!! I wish I were rich.

I love this song. So Close. Like totally and completely AWWWWWWWWW. Ever since I heard it in the movie.

Right now, I aim to revamp my wardrobe bit by bit. I need to lose weight! I think. I don't know. I'm having another period of fat season. But at other times I look at my body and love it. Hmmmzzzzz.

Okay I'm officially shifting back to blogger and will TRY MY BEST to blog often cause I really really wanna keep track of things I do so that I can look back in years to come and laugh at my utter foolishness. Although twitter will still be the MOST ACTIVE and tumblr updates would be pictorial reblogs in waves.......... I love editing html on blogger. Gives me utter sense of satisfaction when the layout is EXACTLY as I pictured it in my head. Only if I could do the same with dreamweaver. Can't stand all the broken links and the ugh.

Oh blogger, I missed you so!

Dumb pose from me, don't know what I was trying to do!!!

Okay, love you girls :)

2010-07-23T00:53:00.000+08:00

I look damn smart here. Like SO smart. :)

Okay I really gotta sleep.

2010-07-23T00:45:00.000+08:00

So busy with school. Can only find time to Tumblr on and off, Tweet all the time, and Restaurant City/Hotel City once a day.

I'm more active here and here :)

Currently on my last project for this semester, Dreamweaver baby! It's fun, if I wasn't on a deadline and today is already Friday 0025h and the deadline is on coming Monday hahaha I'm so freaking screwed. I sometimes wish I had learnt all these Dreamweaver stuff when I had time previously. I used to be able to do FrontPage, but it's a long lost skill ):.

Okay la, blog, I missed you much. And I'm only here cause I'm procrastinating. I'm on a night sleepy tired high. Meaning, I feel so tired and sleepy but yet, so high. Any explanations?

Shall categorise my pictures soon cause everything is kind of becoming more and more messy. I still refuse to upload on Facebook cause Facebook invades my privacy, sorta.

Seriously love this song - So Close. From the movie Enchanted. Gonna do the picture organising tonight! All words and no pictures make me a pretty boring person. And I've a mini personal project waiting to be started. Also, a batch of cookies to be baked ^^.

2010-07-16T01:25:00.000+08:00

I'm like hahahaing at this, and goodluck to me!

2010-06-30T23:36:00.004+08:00

In a flash, half a month has passed. I went to Xiamen for a week, watched 2 movies and.......... did many dumb things.

Karate Kid with my two girlfs & Luanne :)

I like Lotso:

Well, the urge to blog just came and went.

Life has been pretty hectic. Rushing of projects the night before, losing sleep and looking like a zombie the next morning. I think my zombified persona is a recurring character in my life. At the rate I do my work, I surprise myself.

I really like this picture. Ra says I look like the cat in Alice in Wonderland, a very cute cat. I know she's just subtly praising me:). Ra has this unbearable and uncontrollable urge to praise me all the time. She has good control over that though ^^

I will enjoy myself tomorrow. Eclipse. Taylor Lautner ♥.

Sometimes I think back and wonder, how much will I laugh at myself like how I laugh at me up to 5 years back. Silly.

Okay I see no links in all these pictures and words. But I think it's pretty clear that I'm very happy right now. Not in the sense that I'm 24/7 happy but life seemed to have taken a detour to better happiness. Better happiness :)

I'm posting on tumblr(here) and am insanely active on twitter(here)!

2010-06-14T13:10:00.003+08:00

Back! And sick ):

Dumb pictures the night before we left for China:

I don't have a camera. Currently waiting for pictures from family. :B

2010-06-04T01:12:00.003+08:00

Very busy. No time. Got time = sleep. Poly life is not slack, not at all!! At least, not for me. I'm still trying to get into the I-have-school mood which I currently still lack. This is what happens when you skip an entire year of school. Going to China for a week on the 6th, returning on the 12th. Hope there're things to shop and buy and hehehehehe spend money on.

I must update blog cause I must record memories. I'm afraid of amnesia, although there are SOME memories I wanna forget. Anyway, pictures ^^

Last year:

Friday(21 May):

&my super cute mummy ♥

It's 1.28am now, got to go sleep, wake up early tomorrow, and study for my CSA. Goodluck me :)

2010-05-24T23:06:00.003+08:00

Today is a fat week. I think the stress of projects and the upcoming exams are getting to me. I can hide but I can't run. Projects and exams, I have to face them. I have to start studying.

Nails, me love you. But I washed the manicure(that lasted since CCN Day!!!) away and trimmed my nails cause I couldn't stand the sight of them this evening.

Jiahui and I went shopping today. I bought x2undies that are damn cute. Money fly away~. I keep formulating money-saving plans and techniques in my mind, but they never work! Phase 1.1.1 of such plans don't work either. Money saved over the week is spent over the weekend. I wonder why........

School is busy. I must cope.

2010-05-19T23:15:00.003+08:00

So damn freaking tired everyday. But life goes on. Life seems to be moving in a whirl of colours, so fast, I can only catch a glimpse of what is happening. Before I know it, I'm lagging behind, again. Not very surprising, based on my past academic record.

I'm trying to be on task, and do things on time. But all the distractions. I've been trying to make myself see some sense in the excel project draft due tomorrow and make me do the tutorial questions, but for the past hour, my butt was comfortably rested on the chair and my bed.

Jonathan encouraged me just now! There's a first!!!! So I'm going to finish the excel work(s) due tomorrow, by hook or by crook, somehow. Okay I'm so freaking tired. I don't dare to just lean back and lie down cause I will fall asleep till tomorrow.

My goal for tonight: to complete W5 Tutorial questions for tomorrow morning's lab lesson.

Work aside, I like to disturb Clara. I don't know why. You know, with the BZZZZZZZZes and all that, haha! Then her standard response to me &J would be "You all today damn bastard sia!". Fun fun fun ^^.

Okay jiayou Samantha, Adam Lambert cheers you on ^^

2010-05-17T18:23:00.000+08:00

I'm so busy. And I am sick. But here is something that cheered me up today:

Happy > Pissed

2010-05-12T21:56:00.002+08:00

1. Mummy bought me hat.

2. Fatchew bought me Diva charm bracelet.

How can I still remain pissed about trivial matters like that effing photo shop when I've 2 cute and loving people living with me? :).

Long story short, I left my roll of film at EHub to be developed into a soft copy yesterday. The girl didn't tell me when I can come and collect but I didn't really realise it until I walked past said shop again today. So I entered and asked about it, then she told me she received a call saying there is only ONE photo in roll of film. Obviously there is a problem right? She didn't make that 30-second call to inform me, when I did leave my number. I paid already, $11.90 for ONE photo in a CD. How fucked up is that?? Thought to psycho myself into thinking that at least I'm paying for customer service, if not photo service, but no! Gonna call head office to clarify things tomorrow.

Okay gonna bathe and maybe do some work now.

2010-05-08T03:09:00.001+08:00

Perfect, when the day is hot and sunny and humid like it recently it.

But how ironic, I'm blogging about this in the comfort of my air-conditioned bedroom in the middle of the night.

2010-05-06T22:31:00.002+08:00

love this pic:D

and the awesomeszx girls and 2 guys who stayed back to make this ^^:

Poly life IS fun. Like JiaHui~~hui~~ said, it's only the waking up part that we dread. So far I only gave one RA(1) lecture a miss, others I'm at least 10 minutes early!! I mean, we are! It's like, mad tiring, yet enjoyable. I've so much work to do, excel, tutorial worksheets...........reading through lecture notes.. and such. I don't want to start lagging behind! It's not a must to do those, but it's for my own good and it sort of affects my class participation marks so I must!!

Tiring, but life must go on! CCN Day tomorrow. We planned ours and got everything done in 3 days. (Y)

Random pictures from here, there, and everywhere.

2010-05-01T00:41:00.000+08:00

Pictures!! From anytime, anywhere. Okay, not many but still!

My standard meal when I'm home alone, or hungry in the middle of the night:

My first ever pedicure:

A Pikachu pencil I bought from a WSPS carnival. Loveloveloves to whoever made it :P

A trip to IKEA with cousins:

we posed

i seriously don't know what i'm doing here, but baby damn cute ^^

And! The 2 people who make school so fun:

Clara, whom I met on FACEBOOK. yes, seriously.

And with JiaHui.

JiaHui looks like Ashley from the US drama The Secret Life of an American Teenager.

Right!!!

Gonna end abruptly here.

Happy 17th birthday!

2010-04-29T23:12:00.000+08:00

Way overdued birthday pictures. Okay no, pictures of my very chocolatey present from 大姨 and 二姐. Know why? LOOK AT ALL THE CHOCOLATES!!!

We went to this supermarket at ION on my birthday, while my MUMMY was playing mahjong.. And they said to choose anything I want! So here:

Not just one but two........

Nope, not done yet...

THREE Kinder Surprises! I was quite shocked to see it there la! Eat until damn happy. I'm left with only one box of 3eggs right now ):

Creme Eggs which I haven't tried..

Other random chocolates that I like:

sorry, lazy to flip :P

And a KitKat chocolate with a bunny, which I've never seen before!! Got opened picture, in Fatchew's phone. One day I show you all ^^

Tada! That's all from them.

Present from Andy still with him, present from Kiko is a movie night plus food but the movie is not out yet and still got XinJie's card.......and Fatchew's and and and... Okay shall upload some other day. I'm a lazy bumbum ):

2010-04-28T23:37:00.003+08:00

School today. If I understood Retail Accounting better and my lecturer wasn't my tutor, I would skip this lecture every week. It starts at 4pm, and ends fortunately at about 5.30pm. But there's a 3hour break that saps all my energy before it.

Luckily I have friends like JiaHui and Clara, to make every boring moment fun! Okay love you girls!

And XinJie!! It's a good thing that our schedule got free time together, or after school sort of thing. Otherwise it'd be so.... bottled up!! I can really really show my crazy side with her, like really not caring sort of crazy ^^. &I miss that bitch la. Haven't seen him in so long! Somebody JC very busy sia!! But when he tops Alvls, I'm gonna be so proud!

Friendships are so funny, and weird.

I want to get the Fujifilm Hello Kitty instant camera!! But it's like expensive everywhere....... And Valerie is going to help me check out the price at the shop near her home so yay! Love you :P

And I want to get more clothes. No, I need to get more clothes. Cannot keep wearing the same thing to school! But so far I haven't worn the same top more than once so HEHEHEHE. Gonna study a little now, goodnight :D

2010-04-28T23:37:00.000+08:00

My mummy looks drunk here. But she was just high after non-alcoholic drinks and a whole afternoon out in the sun. On EKwan's birthday after going to the Airshow in the morning. I love this picture.

Looks so.........happy, carefree, without any worries?

I love you Mummy, very very much!♥

DIY Nails

2010-04-27T11:00:00.000+08:00

By now, I would probably have met Clara already so here:

Left hand, a bit messy but it's my frst try!!!

And righty, polka dotted yay!

I love the texture of the latter. Ask me let you feel when you see me!!!!

Okay, looking forward to great lunch and a little shopping with the girls :). Popeyes too!

2010-04-26T22:09:00.002+08:00

So tired!!! But it's satisfying:).

Love my nails right now, I set the pictures to be uploaded automatically tomorrow cause I cannot risk Clara seeing it now. Ha! Okay that's all.

I'm gonna be right back and blog properly in 10mins.

Yup, I'm back. Love me nails, especially the right hand one:D.

I bought Pikachu rice mold from eBay yesterday, GOOD BUY BEST BUY MUST BUY!!!!!! HAHAHAHHHAHA. Cute la, and only...... cheap. Less than S$15, so OF COURSE BUY! And still got another 2 items the seller has yet to respond to me yet so better not pay first.......... Happy happy ^^

This morning, I attended my first ever tutorial in TP. Damn dumb la. The lecturer was late and he was SO long-winded. I mean, SUPER long-winded. I almost stabbed myself with my finger la! Horrible. He keeps talking about a whole lot of bullshit and never get to the main point without talking for 5 or 10 minutes before. The whole 2 hours, we did a half recap of last week's lecture and introducing ourselves in 2 words and marking attendance and doing 10MCQ questions and a case study and him talking! If I have to face this shit every Morning, I must have a good night's sleep. Plus the aircon wasn't cold at all. Bad bad morning.

Okay, then it was a lecture and another lecture. I liked the latter's lecturer. Funny guy. But I had an urgent need to pee):

I'm really glad I can get along so well with Clara and JiaHui(alphabetically cause I'm not biased :P) . It's only week 2 of school but we can get along so well! They make school fun. But we seem to always hang out at the Red Spot area in the library. Like everyday ley! But we're hardworking so it's like that one. All thanks to me influencing them ^^.

Must do well in poly, cannot let Mummy down. Must make something out of my life, cannot let secondary school people look down on me. My L1R4 of 16 was an 'in-your-face!' to certain some people and I'm going to prove you all wrong. My horrid attendance =/= cannot do well. I is good student, can do well if I want to. Sometimes, I shock myself. HEHEHHE.

I like saying 'bye bob'.

Love the texture of my nails on the right hand!!!!

I got totally distracted by many things. OOPS. Okay, back on track. I like school. ^^ But the buses are horrible!! 518 comes only at 8.06 in the morning so I will be about 5 to 10 minutes late in meeting the girls for 9am tutorials/lectures. And in the evening at 5plus till past 6plus, the crowd at the bus stop, the number of people on the buses, trying to board the buses, omfg la! Must take note of the timings and avoid leaving school at such times.

Okay goodnight. I'm going to disturb my Chochi Mama now, then go to sleep, and wale up early tomorrow so I won't be late. Picture post up tomorrow.........................sometime. I'm going to do it now like right now and set it to appear tomorrow morning. Yay.

2010-04-20T00:58:00.003+08:00

Hi blog, it's been 3 weeks. I missed you, I really did. But I have no pictures, no life, no nothing, so I think posts will be boring. Ha-ha-ha.

Anyways, today was Day 1 in Poly. It was....fun, I guess. Library, exploring, the rain, food, 2 people and me. It's only the first day and we get along well. We even did homework together la :B. Okay, I need to sleep now. It's almost 1am and I have school at.......2pm tomorrow! Life's great, HEHEHE.

I promise to update you at least twice a week now, ♥. With pictures and everything. Hee!

2010-03-25T18:23:00.003+08:00

The cemetery was oddly peaceful that morning. Not scary like where the old graves were. We drove past some of them and nature was practically taking over it, that would be scary. There were 2 puppies at the pavilion near AhGong's grave. Mad cute. Probably palm sized but I wouldn't touch them. No way.

Further into the day, Fatchew and I went to GWC to queue for ice cream, Ben &Jerry's free cone day ^^. And I bought 4 storybooks. FOUR!! :D. I love books, I absolutely adore them, but they are so freaking expensive! I love reading. But I don't like to reread. The only books I've ever read countless times are the Twilight series. I don't know why, it's highly addictive.

Tim thought I was still in S2. That was.......over 2 years ago, and I'm glad it's over. I don't like dwelling in the past. When I think about it, my mind wanders. Here and there and all the what ifs. Not that it's not a good thing, but I like 'Keep Moving Forward', like in Meet the Robinsons. Many people over and/or under estimate my age. I'm 17 this year for goodness sake. But it's okay though, I think I'm gerascophobic. I love the present, but I won't forget my past, and I don't wanna know my future.

XinJie was a violent prefect.

Gonna stop thinking.

Anyway, I wanna buy from F21.com but you know what?! OUT OF STOCK. 2 maxi dresses and a bag I eyed on are out of stock. I should've ordered immediately la!! And this set of bangles:

Colorful and pretty max!! But also OOS, ugh ):

The nails which won Mummy $340 in mahjong:

Done by yours truly :)

And Pikachu candy from HongKong, by Meiji. But I don't see them in the Japanese supermarket I frequent, neither do I see them in candy empire!! I have not yet opened them.

Mummy's home, time for her to peel the prawns then it's dinner time!! Very hungry today. But I ate quite a lot this afternoon...aiya! I'm having a fat day ): Hate fat days but they always come. On fat days I eat even more. I think I should lie in bed to sleep all day, cause those are the days where I only have dinner. Shut it ugh.

I like to plait my hair overnight, then it will be curly in the morning, ^^. I keep wanting to type something but I don't remember what. Okay bye.

MY BIRTHDAY IS COMING :D
present ok?

2010-03-17T01:11:00.003+08:00

Kudos to all the artistes here. Love this song! This is SO heartwarming. Reminds me of Primary 6 times, and Michael Jackson and...........I don't know. Watching it is even better but just listening to them all sing, heartwarming.

This is great too! One of my favourite songs.

xx

2010-03-16T21:49:00.003+08:00

A Gossip Girl quote:

My new nail polish:D. Mad shiny. Cameras just cant capture the true glitternessity of it!! That's on Fatchy's thumb though, cause mine right now is this:

^^. The orange was already there and the glitter is a lazy Sunday afternoon add on. Really pretty. Might be getting a bottle of the silver glitter for myself!! Haven't decided yet though, I don't want to become a polish addict but nail polishes are what I have been buying recently!!

Anyway! My life has been boring. Except Saturday!!! Wait rewind. Adam Lambert landed in sunny island Singapore Thursday morning!! Slightly past midnight, I can't remember the exact timing.. Intended to go but nobody to go with so didn't in the end which was a relief cause he left by a back exit. Heh.

No tickets to the gig at Universal Studios on Friday night, so XinJie and I settled for the signing event on Saturday afternoon instead. It was sunny before and halfway through, it started raining!!! But it's ok, it showed that we braved the sun and rain for Adam Lambert. True fans ^^. Pictures..... soon. After XinJie sends it to me in awhile. I brought my film camera happily and forgot that it cannot zoom!!!

I SAW ADAM LAMBERT LIVE! And here are the pictures to prove it:

Live. Adam. I'm still in a state of slight shock when I think about it at times. I mean, it's not everyday that you get to see a megawatt GLAMAZING star like him!!!

Oh, and this:

He loves Singapore! Hope he comes back again ^^.

In all, last week was AWESOME! Gossip Girl returned with where they left off last year and I found the episode and it was awesome max! So did 90210 which I only watched today but whatever. Penn Badgely looks like he has been working out! Or maybe I didn't notice him previously. And Jenny is a little bit annoying with the drugs in the show now but........okay stop spoiling the show. I love, absolutely LOVE watching Gossip Girl!! I think I did a post on TV shows last year end, somewhere there.

And Sunday I received my shiny nail polish. Love it!!

Last night was cycling with Kiko. We cycled for 2 whole hours. I think I have a slight flu. Oh, and my room is EMPTY. Very empty!! Now I feel hungry. Yah, my room, empty. Because I put things in boxes and shifted the 2 huge boxes, 2 chairs and my basketfull of bags out of my room, temporarily. I'm waiting for furniture changes which will not happen until Mummy clears the downstairs room and Fatchy clears a space for the TV, the latter having to go first. But at their rate, sigh.

Cycling was FUN. And super cooling. Two hours around Pasir Ris. Non stop. Cool or what! Feel like I'm losing weight already ^^. Tomorrow is swimming and Friday might be jogging. Cousin, is it confirmed? And movie with Andy cause I haven't seen the bitch in AGES cause he is one hell of a crazily busy bitch!! That's what JC does, I guess.

LOL AT THE DUMB SHOW. Okay. I watched Ellen this evening too, Robert Pattinson was on and I think I might actually have enjoyed it but the girl (and probably guy, too) fans were screaming more than half the time. Er, okay thanks. Anyway, I decided that I kind of like Robert now, too! Wait, I take that back. I can't really stand his unkempt look for some reason. But otherwise I guess he is okay, without the white vampire look. Ugh, I don't know. I don't dislike him anymore but I don't fanz him like Taylor, Chace, Adam and Ed. Okay that's it :).

Not many pictures for I am boring. No camera cause it's not necessary and I want to get an instant camera soon and digital would be like expensive too omg money. I need money again!!!! Feel like digital cameras will just keep improving and you will keep finding yours outdated someway or another. Mummy gonna use laptop for work emails now. Bye.

xx

Chace Crawford ^^

2010-03-09T13:39:00.003+08:00

As above, can click. Chace Crawford, THE Chace Crawford of Gossip Girl acting as Nathaniel Archibald, Nate, the real life actor, REPLIED ME ON TWITTER. Leaving me in awe and starstruck *v*. Therefore, I'm idolising him too now. Together with Taylor Lautner and Adam Lambert.

Omg. But I bet he won't reply a second time. I was plain lucky that he was checking @TheChaceCrawfor and my tweet so happened to be there. But still!!! It's not everyday that someone famous, someone famous you idolise, replies you!! I'm so happy and hyped up and and and I don't know, but it's a good feeling. Listening to my favourite songs and my happy song now!! Must record this for the future. My happy news :D. Awesomely starstruck!!

Let me refresh your memory as to who he is:

All About Adam (Lambert)

2010-03-05T17:20:00.004+08:00

/edited

lol @ this.

I LIKE THAT EYE THING HE DOES!!

Another favourite ^^. Charming!!! :B. I love the place where they filmed this, filled with books. Minimal furniture, maximum concept. Wonder if it's his home, or just another studio..

Yet another great song by ♥Adam.

These are my favourites in no particular order. Adam is truly an amazing performer. AMAZING. Pity he didn't win Idol but it's okay because it's just a title. Look how successful he is now, post-Idol :).

Adam is coming to Singapore. Universal Studios on 12 March this year. That is in one week from now. How do I win tickets? BUY HIS DELUXE ALBUM, which I will not. I'm a fan of Adam, but I will not waste my money buying multiple copies of the same album to win the tickets, unless it's a guaranteed win. My alternative plan right now is to listen to the radio and call in when his song is playing to win a pair. How lucky am I? But I doubt I can answer their question so dang!! Shall psycho XinJie to do it instead. Like she will, but I'm going to try. Want to go so badly. If only I can buy the tickets.

I really like the music video for Whataya Want From Me and For Your Entertainment!!!!

2010-03-04T19:37:00.006+08:00

MUST WATCH!!!!! Cannot open youtube and browse other things must watch him sing!!!! Omg :B Charming like mad when he sang okay. Like seriously omfg. I support ^^

Currently reorganising and downloading and deleting songs because I have decided not to use Nokia Ovi Player anymore ^^. I've been at it for about 2 hours but I'm only at 'D' of the singer's name! Omg.

But I was sidetracking and paused for dinner and not entirely doing it lah so yah.

The weather sucks. And I dislike Thursdays. I always have bad Thursdays. This morning I woke up in sweat except for my feet cause the fan was blowing at them directly courtesy of Mummy. Not only that, my face especially the nose was oily, super oily, enough to fry a dozen eggs. Annoying max! And the mess in my room is not decluttering at any pace so my mind is very occupied with it but my body isn't doing anything to help. They don't wanna cooperate at all. I've been postponing the packing of my room since I don't know when.

But I've been reading Percy Jackson. Book 2 last night from 0100+h - 0400+h. And book 3 since I woke up till about 3 hours later, I think. Then it was dinner and apples and here I am. Blogging right now is actually also me, procrastinating. Yay much? I love reading, I really do. I love books.

Okay back to work. But before that, I just chanced upon my facebook profile and the box where it shows my friends... I'll let the printscreen do the talking:D

xx

2010-03-03T01:27:00.002+08:00

I must make it a point to blog more because I want as much of my life recorded. Therefore, I will snap pictures. In order for me to do so, I must get a camera!!! I'm going to buy an instant camera the moment I find a good deal. Fuji Instax instead of Polaroid because I prefer the credit card sized pictures. Square ones are a little odd, to me.

But I can't blog all instant pictures right!! And my manual camera is....cute, but I won't scan every picture because I'm plain lazy. I haven't sent the roll of film to develop yet!!! Must kill this laziness in me. Yes. Then I will get me a digital camera!! Me thinks it will be a good thing and it is a good idea. But I must research first.

And I will buy me a nice bag. Maybe ........... but I haven't decided on this. With my own money!! Maybe I should get a job too. But it's weird to start now, since school is starting in 1.5months. Oh well, we'll see. But I can foresee that I won't get a job. Heeheehee!

Okay goodnight. I'm going to snuggle in bed with Twilight now that my Taylor's battery is full. Tomorrow's going to be Samantha will not be late day. I must satisfy my craving for double chocolate chip cookies and/or muffins too. I'm going to add Twitter on my blog then go snuggle.

2010-02-23T12:37:00.002+08:00

Guess what that is:D

Got it yet?

It's my toenail! I plucked it out after bathing last night. Like going to pluck my brows, just get it done and over with. I'm keeping that nail as a memento:D. Going out with XinJie today. I'm not going to bathe yet. Postponed till 1330h instead of 1300h cause I wanted to wait for the postman. My enrollment package!! :\

Bye.

2010-02-22T19:47:00.001+08:00

the only man who never makes mistake is a man who doesn't do anything.
he sits down and dream how to be a millionaire.

Dear Cousin, my dad says ,
"he's trying to find the wrong of others to defend his own wrong. nothing is impossible if a man doesn't have to do it himself."

srsly, i dont know what is the second sentence for :O hehe. cya tonight! gonna watch percy jackson with cousin either at 11.50 or 2.15 tonight. :D

I love you okay ^^

And the copying resumes. I don't know if it's by pure coincidence or what but I just don't like it.

2010-02-22T18:31:00.007+08:00

(click to enlarge)

(click to enlarge)

Anybody interested? I swear I never wore them before. Another impulse buy I regretted.

-

Edna's bored at 4am on facebook:

1. Random number texts you at 4AM and says "come outside." What do you do?
ignore.

2. Do you get jealous of your friends when their taken and your single?
no.

3. What are you looking forward to?
tomorrow to get more hangers -.-

4. You just won 100 million, What do you buy first?
where to start? buy chanel bag. start shopping. apply for credit cards. buy landed property. design and furnish landed property. bring mummy go tour the world. buy sports car. buy luxurious car for mummy. bring fatchy go eat xlb. the possibilities are (almost) endless!

5. Do you get overly emotional about small things?
certain small things

6. Has anyone laid on your bed besides you?
my bed so comfy and inviting. alot of people did.

7. If your room was all one color, what would it be?
it'd be boring.

8. If you were in the hospital, who would you want by your side?
andy cause he has to make me laugh and distract me from why i'm there.

9. When was the last time you were scared?
saturday when i was a few metres away form the lion dance -.-

10. Do you take compliments well?
kinda

11. Do scary movies really scare you?
YES I HAVE NEVER WATCHED ONE.

12. Do you get annoyed by one word texts?
definitely. then i ignore it.

13. How many best friends do you have?
2

14. Do you believe that your first love can be your only love in life?
no

15. Do you like to color?
yes!

16. Do you like Vanilla Coke?
never tried but never will

17. Have you changed at all in the past three months?
im..... richer by a little. and i lost some weight :D

18. Ever been in a helicopter?
no.

19. Do you think kittens are cute?
FREAKING DISGUSTING.

20. Is anyone mad at you right now?
yes but i dont care.

21. What month were you born in?
april

22. Do you want to visit the pyramids in Egypt?
and see them from afar, yup.

23. Does anyone know every little detail about you?
no.

24. What does your last text say?
"but i dont have" from kiko.

25. When was the last time you went to the beach?
hm...........

26. Best thing to do on a cold rainy Sunday?
switch on the aircon and go to sleep!

27. Do you like to cuddle?
large soft toys especially.

28. Is there someone you'd really like to hang out with and just talk about stuff?
yes!!

29. What was the last thing you drank?
mummy's chrysanthemum tea.

30. Have you jumped in a pool with all your clothes on?
no ley.

31. Have you ever thrown a shoe at someone?
cannot. expensive.

32. When is the last educational thing you watched on the TV?
spongebob about hibernation.

33. Do you shut down your computer when you leave, or just leave it on?
shut down. unless i'll be back in awhile.

34. How long was the last shower you took?
10mins.

35. Do you know what the last person you kissed is doing right now?
washing clothes

36. When is the next time you will take a shower/bath? Which one will you take?
later in 2 hours. a shower.

37. Are you currently waiting for someone to do something for you/to you?
i dont know

38. Are you someone who is really committed to politics in your area/country?
not really.

39. When was the last time you were on a boat? Where did you travel on it?
kelong a few years back.

40. Are you planning on going anywhere with someone, some time today?
the day is ending soooon

41. Does your family ever have any kind of weird traditions in your house?
guess not.

42. When is the next time you will attend a family reunion? Where will it be?
sun @82 tiongpoh road.

43. When was the last time you were sick? What were you sick with and why?
now and i have a swollen left cheek.

44. Do you ever tend to pull off any random acts of kindness in public?
not all the time but sometimes. depends on my mood and level of fatigue, really.

45. Do the things you do normally have reasons behind them, or not?
kind of.

46. Do you like cereal? What would you consider your favorite kind of cereal?
koko krunch with meiji chcolate milk. ♥

47. Do you find your school to be loaded with hot guys or not so much?
none at all in dmn!

48. What is the most visited website on your internet at this moment in time?
i have no idea cause i alternate between mozilla and IE.

49. Do you like riding roller coasters when you go to any amusement parks?
NO.

50. Are you waiting for someone to get online on an IM program right now?
no.

51. Have you ever forgotten your birthday? Did you soon figure it out?
no, i guess not.

52. When was the last time you held up a peace sign, if you've ever done that?
like "V" with my fingers? i dont remember.

53. Would you walk ten miles just to see the person you like or love?
maybe.

54. What, in your mind, would you consider to be the perfect boyfriend?
ask me.

55. Would you beat up anyone at the moment, if you absolutely had the chance?
me beat him up? no. me sending people to beat him up? probably.

56. What color are the curtains in your room at the moment?
beigey brown.

57. Is there anyone you are currently trying to get out of trouble? Why?
no.

58. Are you plotting anything at the moment? If so, is it against someone?
i dont plot. i do things on the spot.

59. If you have siblings, have they moved out or do they still live with you?
fatchy is living with me.

60. Do you own any scarves? How many would you estimate yourself to have?
1 black plain one.

61. What kind of shoes are you planning on wearing today? Why is this?
not today but tomorrow maybe my newyear shoes!

62. Do you know anyone who has or has had any kind of mental illness/disorder?
maybe at the has had.

63. Is your mother a stay-at-home mother or does she work somewhere?
she works.

64. What food would you just want to disappear off the face of the earth?
frog legs and squids and oysters and cong and cockles and the list goes on.

65. Do you watch those late-night talk shows? What's the best part about them?
no.

66. Do you ever listen to music so you can actually change your emotion?
no.

I had a yummy early dinner.

I packed my things today. To be more exact, I cut the tags off new clothes and passed it to Mummy to wash, and I cleared my DMN uniforms. Next, Rachel &SamLoh are coming to help me clear them so that I won't feel bad about throwing clothings away cause most of them are like uber new and I only wore once or twice.

And you know, my cupboard is so full now. Like really damn full. Thinking of getting more hangers but if my hanging space is full, no point right. Okay shall not.

Boring life recently. But very wallet-friendly.

2010-02-22T14:36:00.001+08:00

I like this :). I like Justin Bieber, to a certain extent.

2010-02-18T21:06:00.002+08:00

I feel better today, thank you all. I should just give up, and let go, about everything. Focus , *, focus :).

XinJie just told me she went to kaypo there today, but is not there ley. I just finished my yummy dinner. One small bowl of porridge, 4pcs nuggets happy meal with fries, and ala carte 9pcs nuggets! My tummy is happy. The happy meal was for my Pikachu toy. Another one more to collect and I'm done.

Haven't been shopping in awhile. Got a FF bag coming soon, and my bracelet. Also just ordered a bag, but last piece is in my cart! My life is boring. No more pictures and interesting stuff cause I'm almost all the time at home now. Everyone has school and tomorrow is Mummy's last off day. Next week, home alone.

Should go out more. But I'm so lazy.

2010-02-18T00:47:00.002+08:00

Teng Soon Quee,

From this moment on, I am officially (but not approved by the law) not your child. I emancipate myself from you, whether anyone objects or not. It is not your choice. Nothing you ever do will change it, not even if you die.

Fuck you and your ego. Since you like Geylang so much, why not move to there? Why don't you just buy a chicken to marry and fuck that China bitch for all it's worth? Nothing, just like you. Nothing. A worthless being. At least, China prostitutes are selling their body to help their family back in China. Your family, is here. Wait, I take that back. I am NOT your family anymore. You have no rights over me.

This past year, I've been treating you as invisible. I tune out whatever you say. If I can't do that, it comes in on ear, and out the other. I do not see you, even if you are blocking my way. You are nothing, not there at all. But that is too much for you to handle, ain't it? One whole year, for you to fucking apologise to me, did you? Too proud to do so right?

If there's anything I learnt in Secondary 4, it's "Choices have consequences". Since your choice is to live like you did no wrong, like you are always right, like you are the king. Face this consequence. I am no longer your daughter. It's not important I guess, because you hate me as much as I hate you. Don't you?

Didn't you hate me so much, for you to strangle me? I should have reported as abuse, make it into an official police report. I don't see why I shouldn't. We were quarrelling, you and I were screaming. You had to resort to violence, I tolerated. You strangled. Even if I had started that quarrel, which I know I did not, you strangling me was an offence. The police not coming was thanks to Mummy. You have to thank her that your rotting butt is not in trouble.

Everytime we quarrel, every single time, I end up being the victim of domestic violence. Everyone thinks it's not true, they think I'm exaggerating, because I have never spilled it all out. I have never made it known that I had a father so violent, he wanted his daughter dead. But because of all these bullshit that you give, I'm stronger emotionally. I will not let myself be bullied by you. The next conflict between us that involves violence, the police is coming in and my story is going out. You think I should apologise because I'm in the wrong? You think I need your forgiveness? Please, wake up from that thinking.

Even if I had to live away from this home, I would. I'm not even tearing while typing these kind of things anymore, so what makes you think I will cry and beg you? YOU are the one who is in the wrong. YOU are the one who has to apologise. I'm glad I never gave in again. But it's too late. Too late for regrets. I will never forgive you. Not even if you make a public apology. Not anymore.

Right now, I not only hate you. I detest you, dislike you, abhor you, despise you even. Then again, I don;t even see the need to. I plain despise you. Why should I hate you?

Disrespect. Tell me about it. You don't deserve my respect. What have you done these few years to deserve it? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. You go holidays without your family, you go to Geylang 6 days a week, you smoke in the house, you on your music so loud and make life difficult for us. Everything you do, makes me despise you more. When we do the same thing, you scold. But you, on the other hand, can do it. You don't even set a good example. You don't even set examples. You only do what you want, when you want, and it's all about you. Time to wake up, the world does not revolve around you.

Guess why am I tolerating you? Because of Mummy.

If it wasn't for her, you wont be anything. No car for you to show off. No money for you to spend. Nobody to wash your clothes, nobody to clean the house. Nobody to serve your fucking ass. What if one day she divorces you? I know she won't, you know she won't. But what if? You'll be left with nothing at all. The house won't be all yours. You will have no children, nobody at all. You are nothing without her. If she ever makes that decision, I will be the happiest. We both know who the children will follow. Even right now. If Fatchy were to choose to go out with Mummy, or you, who would she choose?

I don't know how I feel about you. But for someone so violent and egoistic like you, it's definitely not a good thing. I'm not going to pretend anymore. Anything I'm unhappy about, I will voice it out, whether it's in front of family or friends. Whether if it's embarrassing or ridiculous or whatever it is. And if you ever get into trouble with the law about anything, I'm going to voice out the truth and I think, it wouldn't look good on you.

I'm not angry anymore. You don't piss me off. I just hold no respect for you anymore. You are worse than a dog, way worse.

Thanks for nothing, anyway.

2010-02-16T03:52:00.001+08:00

FORGOT TO TAKE MANY PHOTOS FOR CNY THIS YEAR WTFSZX!!

2010-02-11T08:57:00.003+08:00

I'm selling:

This pair of lace flats from F21 in black, $20. Brand new with labels still attached. Swear I've never worn it out. Size US10/EUR40/KR260. Mad pretty but my feet too broad -.-

2010-02-11T01:46:00.002+08:00

My cousin very cute. She says that if there're any younger children than her next time, must call her 'Baby jiejie', because we all call her Baby now. It's like, Baby is her name. Cute ttm lah!!!! She and Justin put together are like ultimate cuteness.