Love.
Tuesday, September 30, 2014 @ 11:02 PM
What is Love?
I've always thought I knew. Sometimes I find myself "falling in love", but after everything ends and the honeymoon period is over, I question that love. Was it real? Or was it just a figment of my imagination?
Family love aside, I often find myself wondering, what is it really?
I made a mistake. A grave one. It was a result of the meh-ness I've been feeling the past few weeks, and finally I fucked up. It's pretty screwed up when I think about it but at the same time, oddly satisfying. the actions were not what was wrong, it was the intentions and the context of the situation.
A dear friend once told me maybe I didn't have enough self-love. The same dear friend again told me I don't have enough self-love. Maybe that's true. Maybe it isn't. Right now, I don't really know. So much of what was said made so much sense yet, I'm subconsciously denying all that. Maybe I'm seeking love, maybe it's a phase. But all I know for sure is that i'm doing it all the wrong way. This has to stop, but I find myself in the same cycle again no matter what. I just don't have enough in me to stop. What matters is fun, since I don't know anything else but.
We, this thing, it will never amount to anything, and of that I'm pretty fucking sure. Then again I know, deep down, if it isn't with you, it'll just be with someone else and honestly I'd rather it be you, no matter how screwed up it seems to dear friend, and myself.
FML.