Friday, January 14, 2011 @ 2:39 AM
I really hate Thursdays. I can't explain. Isn't it obvious enough though? With 2 absents without reason, 3 MCs and reaching at 4.14pm every lesson I ever attend? First to leave, last to enter. It's not the class. It's not the people. It's just the timetable. This is how much it affects me. I tried changing it but there wasn't any available space. Glad I'm already more than halfway done with this CDS. Hope I do well for the test though, I;m sure to do badly in class participation because of my attendance.
Need to start attending lectures too. Must show them all.
You know how I feel every night? So much time alone, in my room. So much time to think, to consider, ask myself what do I want. What do I want out of this thing with x? What do I expect? Well I can't expect anything. Like a friend said, "always hope but never expect". The greatest disappointment comes form expectations. The higher your expectations, the greater the disappointment. Not that the higher your hope the lower your disappointment, but a hope doesn't bring as huge a disappointment as an expectation.
Think of it this way. You expected to get an A for English, but you got a C instead. And you hoped you would get an A, but got a C. Which situation sounds better? The latter right?
This thing with x set me thinking. About a lot of things. I must still like him a little, or a lot somehow, or it wouldn't affect me like how it does now. But I am not expecting anything out of this anymore. I've realised that I may not be the only one. Unless I'm absolutely positively sure, I will not think too much into this. But it's easier said than done. And you know what the only way for me to be sure is? You telling me yourself. Not through text, not through phone. But face to face. I doubt it will ever happen. Romantic dreams must die.
That aside, I've always dreamed of.................okay I'm keeping this thought private ;D