I did this post days back. But I really want to post it.



"I miss you, AhGong. I miss you a lot.

Walking past wakes. Seeing old men on the trains. People coughing like how you sounded like. Little things that remind me of you. Some totally irrelevant but still, I can't help it. Over 16 years of seeing you every week, everyday when I was younger. Although I don't remember the very long ago things, I know you were there.

I remember vaguely you having an eye operation at the hospital. Me and the rest of the extended family along the corridor waiting.....

I remember you playing mahjong with the adults. They would shift the things off the chair with backing for you to sit. Slowly, your eyesight deteriorated and you could no longer see to play mahjong with them.

More recently, I remember you falling sick, being admitted into the hospital, coming home, sick for awhile, and you got better. You could get up, sit with us in the living room, and laugh. You had the energy to lift your arm to comb your hair, etc. Little actions that showed that you were getting by by the day, bit by bit. Then it all went downhill. Well, not really. Better at times, but mostly ill.

That morning. It was scary. Not because I didn't know what to expect, probably more of a shock, because I was afraid, I don't know. All I knew was that Mummy came into my room to wake me, and she was crying. The car ride was quiet. Them crying, me crying. We couldn't help it.

Me refusing to go and burn paper until a few days later, me refusing to return thanks, me refusing to do anything that would have me go closer to you. Seemed like a long ago now. On the final day, when we left the cemetery, I cried the most, the hardest on the bus. When I got home, I cried myself, almost to sleep. In fact, all I did at night was to cry for the next few days.

Even today, 40 days later, I still cry occasionally. I wouldn't call myself weak. I don't know why I'm blogging about this, guess I just need to let it all out. I hold back tears on the bus and on the train, when I have quiet alone moments. Especially during the days I had to travel for work. I think of you when I'm making my way home at night, when I have nothing better to do.

The thought of you brings me tears, yet it comforts me greatly too.

Although you will no longer be here with us physically, you live in our hearts. I will never, ever forget you, AhGong. I love you."



That day, I was reminded of you again. About when I was young although I really don't remember. Sometimes, I wonder. There's a wake a few blocks away. Really affecting me a lot. I wouldn't say that I won't face it, because I have, it's the 45th day already. I went through the rituals, the burials, you leaving us has been registered in my head. But it's like gone too soon to me. I can't seem to be able to put my feelings into words for this. I have never experienced a death of a family member before. Okay I did. GongGong when I was very young so I don't remember anything at all other than I cried when I had to give up my long knee high socks at that time. Plus, it's a family member so close, someone I see every week.

I would probably never get over it. But as of tonight, right now, I'm pretty determined to do my best at whatever. So that I know that wherever you are, you will be SO proud of me.

Can't help it. Can't help but tear at little things. Can't help but tear whilst typing this. All I can do is think, and cry. Remember, and cry. You wouldn't want this, I'm sure. But it's really herd to control.

Right. Stop. Now. Got to distract myself. Shall go back to worrying about 8am later on.

Labels: grandfather

Picture was not of us all. Cause some left early and some went to buy food.


For the BBQ event of the year, I woke up early. Thanks to Andy. But I met him late, so no difference, hahaha! So Andy, Benedict, Edna and myself met first to go get food. Food, glorious food, at Bedok. BingLun, Iskandar, and Leon came after to help carry. Like, funny combination! Sheri and WeeShan came next, followed by Shaun, then we went to bus 32 to collect the wings and sotongs and stringrays.

Then it was a bus ride to Roxy Square and a two hour walk to the BBQ Pit 18 courtesy of Edna.

But, it was fun. These people are fun!

Halfway along the walk the boys decided to use 2 abandoned trolleys to carry the stuff, then abandoned it again at the overhead bridge that we had to cross. Then they picked up another abandoned trolley near the underpass and used it to carry the stuff all the way to the pit. And we abandoned it there again that night.

Basically, all food was finished and we had a blast! We should all do this again sometime. Like, when I strike Toto and invite you all to my new big house :P. The food! Oh gosh the food, I super loved the spicy wings and stingray. Must definitely get those for all the BBQs! The satay was good too. It was, crispy. I wonder why but whatever cause they were nice. And also marshmallows!! Who can have BBQs without them huhhhhhhhhhhhh? The bitch is damn good at BBQing marshmallows. Seriously bitch, you rock at that!

Night ended with a group photo, then us making our way back to Pasir Ris. Bus ride was full of reminiscing with the girls and Andy, then it was to Mcd at WhiteSands without WeeShan for supper and more talking. You wish you were there!

Anyway, see you all again soon!





Earlier today, I taught XinJie how to describe Adam and add him into her book, "His angelic set of eyes were of the color of the ocean, blue with a tinge of green. His amazing hair could be molded into any way you liked, it looked soft, and I had to resist the urge to reach out and touch it. His hot body was strong, lean and muscular, he had a broad chest with sturdy shoulders that guys would die for, and girls would drool at. He was, Adam Lambert."

But she felt that it did Adam no justice(ie: not good enough) and refused to use it.




Happy Birthday, Edna!



Blog about the BBQ soon!


It's raining on a sunny day. But whatever cause the happiness from last night and the night before is still around. Undrained^^

My eye candy. Wonderfully droolable at:


It's Taylor Lautner!! I found out that...........he's shorter than me! Oh gosh right!! Ohwell. OH WELLZ. Actually it's not by a lot. I converted my height and it gave me 5'7" and he is 5'6", or so I found out. Okay that's not the end of the world. It really is not! Just super bummed out by it.

&recently. I find Adam Lambert almost equally charming.







XinJie's influence, thank you very much!! But his eyes are green ley! Not blue, as she claimed. To be fair, it's blue green, more of the sea colour but she won't accept that compromise so whatever. They're BLUEGREEN! Take it or leave it!!



See, I told you so. ^^



Also, my short part time job at Muji, Marina Square:


Cool right! It's my access card but I had to return it in the end, along with the label and hang on the neck strap. I liked it a lot. Mine was very much abused but still nice to use. The part where the strap connects to the cardholder was torn and held together by tape. The part where is sealed to keep the card in place on left and right at the back was torn too. Wonder what happened to it. Could've been my constant fumbling with it but I'm not going to take the blame.

Sidetracking a little:
My mum just told me, 'Samantha I bought the Muji ice cream ley.' Then I went wtf and asked, 'Muji got sell ice cream meh!?'. You know what she told me? 'Yah lah, the that time you ask me to buy one'. Now you know why I always get so annoyed and frustrated and UGH when I talk to her. Because she meant `MOCHI ICE CREAM`!!!!



This, is my happy ring. Onion rings from Burger King, with chili sauce squeezed on top for a happy face to match my happinessity!


Can you tell how bored I am? My life is pretty much boring now.

And on another random web surfing moment:


I found this MAD PREETYLY GORGEOUS SHOE!!!! It's the 'invisible' if I don't remember wrongly. It's actually mirrors outside so it reflects everything thus making it look 'invisible'. How cool is that!! Don't know where sells it though but I can already imagine the price. Also, I would buy it, BUT I must try it on first and not buy it online cause it may look plain stupid on my feet.

Finally, a painting.


Wowee right? Kudos to the artist :)



BBQ tomorrow. Excited cause I'll be seeing all you 6A people and I haven't seen some of you in like 4years! &I WILL be looking out for a runner and a friend cause the runner will fall and I will laugh, don't worry:). Hope it doesn't rain and I can get a healthy tan cause I'm pasty white and well, pasty white with bad skin so I can't say porcelain.. But you get the idea. My whiteness is ugh.

Got to order from F21 and Supre ASAP but I'm lazy to switch on the desktop to access ibanking but laziness does NOT help at all right yeah I know so I will buy them all babies by tonight ^^


I will blog tomorrow. Because it's 4.45am now and Mummy will be up in an hour or so and I haven't got my ass to bed. No, I take that back. My ass is in bed but I'm not falling asleep yet and I really am going to screw my sleep timing which I don't want to cause I'm going to Genting this weekend but they have not confirmed it yet ugh and there's a BBQ on Wednesday which I am SO looking forward to, obviously. And and and oh my I don't know lah. I just know that I have been happy these 2 nights -tonight and the night before- and I have no intention of letting anyone ruin that happiness. It may be only a little thing, a little phrase, but I'm happy and contented so there. Take it or leave it. Aiya, I really got a lot of things to rant out and this is my only source other than my livejournal which I no longer turn to cause I seem to have a thing for blogger but I really need to get to sleep as soon as I can.


Privileged is a nice show. And I'm starting on it now:)




Night out with the bitch. But I'm gonna sleep now cause it's freaking 4am. Yet, I'm very thirsty. Might have to go drink my 3rd mug.




Here's a larger image:




Bored today. Even XinJie has better things to do. Going to Orchard tonight. And, I don't know. Bored to the maxmaxmax.

Shall put song and fiddle around with the blog template.


Concrete proof that I am no artist:


This, is my best attempt at shading ever, since marker rendering lessons. I think it looks nicer in life, cause (laptop)Taylor's camera is -not lousy but- not that good. Plus the lighting is not good either.

Really can't wait till March this year. New episodes of Gossip Girl and 90210 ^^


Adam Lambert, is mad charming in this video! I would have unthinkable thoughts if he wasn't gay!:


*




I'm Not Surprised
Not Everything Lasts
I've Broken My Heart So Many Times,
I Stop Keeping Track.
Talk Myself In
I Talk Myself Out
I Get All Worked Up
And Then I Let Myself Down.

I Tried So Very Hard Not To Loose It
I Came Up With A Million Excuses
I Thought I Thought Of Every Possibility

And I Know Someday That It'll All Turn Out
You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid That I'll Give So Much More Than I Get
I Just Haven't Met You Yet

Mmmmm ....

I Might Have To Wait
I'll Never Give Up
I Guess It's Half Timing
And The Other Half's Luck
Wherever You Are
Whenever It's Right
You Come Out Of Nowhere And Into My Life

And I Know That We Can Be So Amazing
And Baby Your Love Is Gonna Change Me
And Now I Can See Every Possibility

Mmmmm ......

And Somehow I Know That It Will All Turn Out
And You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid I'll Give So Much More Than I Get
I Just Haven't Met You Yet

They Say All's Fair
And In Love And War
But I Won't Need To Fight It
We'll Get It Right
And We'll Be United

And I Know That We Can Be So Amazing
And Being In Your Life Is Gonna Change Me
And Now I Can See Every Single Possibility

Mmmm .....

And Someday I Know It'll All Turn Out
And I'll Work To Work It Out
Promise You Kid I'll Give More Than I Get
Than I Get Than I Get Than I Get

Oh You Know It'll All Turn Out
And You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid To Give So Much More Than I Get
Yeah I Just Haven't Met You Yet

I Just Haven't Met You Yet
Oh Promise You Kid
To Give So Much More Than I Get

I Said Love Love Love Love Love Love Love .....
I Just Haven't Met You Yet
Love Love Love .....
I Just Haven't Met You Yet

Labels: adam lambert, michael buble

Me, before leaving the house, before doing anything else, pretty much just after I came out of the shower and dried my hair.



Today, is the much feared results day. I slept pretty well last night, slept through 30 new messages, and my phone wasn't even on silent! It was Permanent, by David Cook, at maximum volume. Heavy sleeper I am >.>

Woke up in the morning and Samantha didn't to get out of bed. After I finally made her do so, she didn't want to go shower. After I made her shower, she didn't want to get dressed. All the way until 1335 when Rachel called and informed her that she is late in meeting said person, did Samantha finally pack a bag and get a cab. But the taxis were not plenty today. Wonder why. Still, Samantha made it to school on time.

Why am I blogging as the third person? -.-"

Anyway, reached school. Sat outside the hall. Went into the hall. Tuned everything out. Kept texting. Kept myself distracted and occupied then dum-dum-dum-dum!!!!! it was my turn already. I got a 7 for one subject. But the rest were okay. I have enough to get into the course I want at TP, so don't ask my score. I have already told you if I wanted to. And...yep, that's it. Okay lah, it turned out pretty fine. I was expecting a 20+ then I will like cry on the spot or something and Mummy was SO mentally prepared that I failed.

Then. Like that lor. I initially counted ALL the numbers on the paper, and it scared me silly! It was terrible. Buty but but, Mummy called later on to tell me that I had overcounted my subjects! Hahaha!!! Nearly laughed myself silly. So, the conclusion is that I got points enough to get into the course I want. Fullstop.

Came home. Made a few phone calls. Went to shanding for lunch with Kiko. Kiko came over, I cleared my stuff. Kiko went home, I came home. Ate dinner, lazed around, got on the computer, yada yada, watched teevee, and then I'm here here here.


While surfing the web aimlessly earlier on, I found this:






Picture credits to: http://www.inewidea.com/2009/12/11/14708.html#more-14708

Basically, it's a notebook of papers with spice labels and you actually take that page of spice and go cool it because it IS the spice!

Muji Singapore would probbly never ever have it. So cute. Another is this, click that, cool right? Singapore Muji won't have it. Never, ever. I think. Or maybe not yet. I miss working at Muji, but I don't miss the customers. Although there were eye candy..

Feels weird to have nothing to do again. But I will get used to it. I'm a born nothing-to-doer:). Waiting for my second paycheck, but I will save it all up. I've big plans, for travelling in the next 3 years. I need money money money!!

Shall watch MomoLove later on. Then er, play my Facebook games:P.

That day of reminiscing with Rachel, we talked about Secondary 1 times, till now. Like, this period of time sort of now. Happy times, sad times. Bitching times, most of it. Haha! Okay, that's pretty much how I can summarise everything cause it really was quite a lot of things!

&I heard that it was told to 4E'09 that I skipped school cause I broke up with JunHao, which is NOT true ok!!


Dunman Secondary School, Secondary 4E, Class of 2009!

I did not skip school because of him okay. I-am-not-that-weak. Okay la, I did for the initial week and decided that I like staying home so there. I only went on the few certain days cause I was afraid that you all would think I was -mock horror face- pregnant!

Okay thank you.


Now that that is settled, I will go read my Breaking Dawn and be mesmerised by the vampires and werewolves. Eclipse is slated to come out on 30 June this year. Can't wait. I will buy the DVD box set when ALL the movies are out ^^v. Still can;t get enough of Taylor Lautner. I must remember to go cut out that picture of him in today's complimentary issue or TNP.

Have to pack my room even more though. A few more pieces of clothings and it will really look like a `warzone`.

Goodnight y'all :)


Remember him?:


Yes, Justin. He is a sweet little boy who is damn cute and nice!


Sunday, he caught this for Belinda:


This for Jasmine:


&this for me^^:







For this, you can just fast forward to 0:28.



The second clip, it's not bout what he said. It's about Taylor close up, hot and handsome ^^.

Enjoy!

Labels: Taylor Lautner

Latest addition to the family:



This dear costs $49.95. It's huge, has a beanie tummy, beanie hands and legs. Worth the money ^^

/edit: HEARTPAIN!!! I keep moving my roller chair about and forgot that I put my bag behind and it's my FredPerry that I've been consistently rolling over since I started rolling my chair tonight!!


Got to get the shoes for Mummy, the chocolates for Amanda, and the chocolate for myself ^^. Can't believe it, Friday is approaching! I'm proud of me, cause I lasted this long in one job. And the pay isn't fantastic you know. May bake them cookies cause I've a packet of BettyCrockers at home.

I've been telling people that I'm mad happy recently. The happiness grows. Cause I'm now in my happy place in my happy bubble. Don't burst my happy bubble or I will set my unhappy dog on you ^^.


My current favourite picture.

Received my camera recently, and am on my first roll of film! Happy happy happy! But I can't keep snapping photos cause film IS expensive, and developing is VERY expensive.


Pretty, ain't it? :D

It's light and so nice to touch! Have to master the correct angle for self portraits though..


Working tomorrow, and the day after, then I'm free:)

Monday, 2pm. It's THE day. I'm distracting myself so that I won't be nervous. But I know that deep down inside, I am! I want that 12 pointer. Nothing I can do to change my results now. Can only wait............ But I will successfully distract myself once the thoughts (about Monday) gets pessimistic.

Shall end abruptly here. I'm to blog about the reminiscence with Rachel, and some other random stuff. I will, cause I want to!


From Rachel's:
bold things that you did in 2009

1. Did something you said you would never do.
2. Paid for someone who said they would pay you back but never did.
3. Lied about where you were.
4. Discovered a new musician.
5. Made something for a friend.
6. Got a new phone.
7. Got a new iPod/Zune/Mp3 player.
8. Watched three or more episodes of Saturday Night Live.
9. Made fun of someone.
10. Created a tumblr.
11. Flew on a plane for the first time.
12. Spoke in front of 15 people or more.
13. Met someone in real life that you originally met online.
14. Done something illegal.
15. Did your siblings chores for money.
16. Stayed up all night thinking about the worst thing that could possibly happen to later find out that you worried for nothing.
17. Hurt somebody you didn’t mean to hurt.
18. Hugged your mom or dad.
19. Baked a cake.
20. Made a new friend.
21. Lost an old friend.
22. Changed your views on society.
23. Laughed at something that wasn’t funny.
24. Got upset over something that wasn’t a big deal.
25. Had a horrible birthday.
26. Got a Facebook account.
27. Deleted your Myspace.
28. Cried because you missed old times.
29. Cleaned your room.
30. Have a new found appreciation for someone you never expected to.
31. Told someone you love them.
32. Told someone you hate them.
33. Screwed something up but didn’t mean to.
34. Received a gift.
35. Gave a gift.
36. Read a book that wasn’t for school.
37. Ate a lollipop.
38. Threw away something by accident.
39. Smoked a cigarette.
40. Ran a mile.
41. Switched schools.
42. Aced a test.
43. Wished you were in the past.
44. Got scared about the future.
45. Got yelled at by your parents.
46. Lost a family member.
47. Saw an old friend.
48. Went to church/synagogue/mosque.
49. Hugged a stuffed animal.
50. Said you’re going to make next year better.

Okay, I'm bored): Actually, I'm watching MomoLove.

Shall blog nicely tomorrow, or when.. Friday is my last day at work. Anybody wanna buy anything quickly ah!


Reminiscing with Rachel now. Be back with a post soon:D


XinJie's was:
dear boss,
i hate this job and i'm quitting with immediate effect.
thank you.


Mine shall be:
Hi,
I dislike the working hours for this job. I'm the only one doing the cleaning in the mornings, and the FT people are kind of unfriendly. Unreasonable customers are aplenty and in short, I dislike working. Therefore, I quit.
xo.

Imagine if we really typed like that. Haha! I shall quit before they consider firing me. Afterall, the busy period is over and I'm really very bored of this job. And the pay, omfg. Okay. Shall type it out, later.


I can never, ever keep promises, can I?

Anyway, headed to 82 Tiong Poh Road after work ^^. Left at about 11 for porridge at Chinatown and had a mini feast there, of porridge. That was my New Year's Eve. How was yours? :P. In the title, I'm 17! Well, not officially yet but soon, in like 4 months. And in another 3 years, I'm going to be 20! Now I feel old >.>

Yesterday was yummy and.. fun, to a certain extent. Morning, was dimsum at usual place with usual food(cheecheongfun :B). Then went to OG, where I bought the first thing in the year, a Pikachu stuffed toy! Happy hapy me :). $50 O:

Anyway, went to 82 Tiong Poh Road again, and walked around for awhile before cousin asked if I wanted a ride to work. Of course I did ^^. Went to Paragon for awhile first before dropping me off at work like yay cause I was feeling super urg at the thought of having to work on New Year's Day already.

Skipped work today. Think I shall quit too. Yes I shall. Must get XinJie to help me type the letter. Feel even happier now. But on my future resume I can't put 3 months of retail working experience! How? ):

Work yesterday was spring cleaning the garment store. And Fatchy is spring cleaning her room right now. I jut woke up not long ago :\, and feel like clearing my room of the clutter too! But I feels o irritated at my mum for nagging at my clutter. Sian diao mood, that kind, you know. No, you don't. Basically, it's that fucking fucked up feeling.

Bye.

samantha t.
too tall for my own shoes

1993
☼☼☼

lookbook.nu