Tuesday, October 20, 2009 @ 1:38 AM
I need money.
You know what, I can't believe that O levels is SO near. In what, 2 days! I'm going to screw up the practical exam, that's for sure. It's no good to have such a mindset, but on that, I know myself only too well..
Instead of studying today, I actually went out with Kiko and then to meet Mummy and tuition at night. I don't think it's wrong - to not stay home and study my ass off - but I can't help feeling a little guilty. I don't know what I want. I still don't really have a goal yet. Don't know what course I want to take. Felt like retaking the O's again next year, but figured I should just get it done and over with this year.
I don't know? Maybe pre-exam jitters. I get nervous very easily. I hope my pen doesn't slip like in June's Chinese papers. &Yay me, I'm shopping now -.-
My mind is in a whirl. I cannot think properly when I'm nervous. When I get nervous, I forget everything! Ever get that feeling, where you know it, it's right at the tip of your tongue, you explained it over and over to yourself in your head, but the words don't come out as coherently as expected? That's it. It happens to me.
I guess all I have to do is stay calm, and everything I studied and went through will come back to me. Peace.
Feeling the stress now. Like 2 days before. I got to restudy my Humanities! Whatever the outcome though, I must thank the people who actually helped me through this year. Mummy, extended family, Hilary, Miss Nawal, P &VP... It may not be something huge but I'll remember every little thing, no matter how small it is. You don't know what it's been like for me this year. Spiraling down a bottomless well, only to pick myself up a month before the big E.
I'm different. I do things differently. I can't sit and study for 10 hours straight like you do. That 10 hours to me, would be better spent going shopping. I rather spend 3hours studying intensive and giving myself a break than to study for so long and maybe reap the same rewards. To me, time(in this case) is not quality, neither is it quantity.
I keep repeating the same things, but I'm VERY irritated at hypocritical people. Why can't you just come tell me straight?
Did you read my twitter about the incident at NTUC? I'm still a little bugged by that woman. I don't get why she must beg in NTUC, and cry and kneel and be all pitiful. I don't know why she says that she needs $5 for her mum to eat. I don't know, and I don't care. I just don't like it when people bug the ones I love, especially my Mother.
You should have been there. Imagine if you were my mum, and a middle-aged woman was begging and crying and kneeling in front of you-in public-, asking you for $5. You only make enough to make ends meet, although can sometimes afford something a little more.. Doesn't that sound like your typical average Singaporean? WILL YOU GIVE IT TO HER? With $5, I can have 3 meals.
3 meals, mind you. That's a little too much to be asking for, no?
NTUC is quite a funny place. I've seen a boy going around punching people. A kid boy, semi-playfully but it was hard, I can tell. If he hit my mum, I will kick him til the other end of the store, and his mother, WAS DOING NOTHING ABOUT IT.
Wouldn't you be pissed if you were hit?
Okay, enough of ugly things. I want to 培养感情 to sleep, so must not get pissed.
Er, goodnight ^^.