Feels like just recently I blogged, but that was over half a year ago! I spent my Sept - Nov 2012 in China, which has a ban on most social media sites, so there.
I'm actually going back to China. Or rather, going to China again in 2 days. Xiamen this time round, and it'll be my first time participating in the Qing Ming Festival there! It's gonna be cold (15~23deg) there and I'm gonna love it, for sure. The weather in Singapore these few days is really erratic. Hot, cold, rain, humid, burn, freeze, URGH! Qing Ming always falls on either my birthday, or the day before (April 4) and I very much prefer it to fall on April 4 cause the elders say I can't celebrate if the dates coincide :( Anyway this year will be the first time I'm out of the country celebrating heh.
I also want to mark 8 March 2013 in my virtual diary because.... I SAW ADAM LAMBERT. Finally, he is here to perform live, and it's a concert featuring only him and his awesome band! Of course I'd be there. It's the second time I saw him so far and damn! He looks better and better each time & he gets more and more talented each time too. I kinda have a thing for TommyJoe too. There was an interview where he (TJ) said he is like a straight version of Adam. Soooo excited even up till today. XJ and I managed to video a few songs too! Mad happy just thinking about it.
One of my biggest crossroads in life is happening right now. To choose to enter the workforce, or to apply for university and get a degree. I really don't know what I want/what's best for me but I am slightly veering towards one of the choices. Yet, I can't say "Yes, this is what I want to do" confidently. If only I have rich parents. But then again, self-made fortunes always feel better :)
About to fly in another 12 hours.. I feel so excited, nervous, tensed, sleepy, lazy, and so many other emotions right now! I do want to go but the thought of not being at home for almost 3 months is really terrifying.
I hope this weak stomach of mine doesn't give me trouble and that everything goes well at work! Heard that QW & I may not be able to work together but I really hope we do cause it's such a foreign land and although I am a Chinese, I am really bad at that language. I can barely read, much less write! But basic verbal communication is okay so HENG AH.....
Kind of looking forward to work cause I really wanna know what will I be doing and all that. Plus it's really an experience cause it's not a shop floor job! The pay is acceptable, I think I should be able to survive on it but anyway I have some too like just in case and the apartment, as posted in the previous post is damn nice!!
I'm just rambling cause I don't know what I should be feeling.
My luggage is 95% packed and it's already so full!! I have another cabin bag that is half full too.. I think if I shop just once there, I might really have to get another luggage!! Top of the list is to have a great working environment with awesome people and next is the shopping! Hehz. This reminds me. I can never go backpacking!! It's not practical cause I simply cannot resist buying! Even if there isn't much to buy, like my trip to Lombok last year, I will still buy! And half the time it's just for the sake of buying a keepsake, or two, or three, or more.
This trip will the longest I've ever been away from home and my chochi mama I will miss her so much! And my (extended) family. Omg they are the best best best ever I am tearing up just typing this :'). I will take care of myself and keep warm and be careful with my belongings and stay safe and not go out at night and call/text almost everyday!
Gotta get back to packing cause I still haven't decided what bag to bring cause I really have no space left and I gotta take more stuff out so that I can put more in..........
All I have to say now is that I'm going overseas for my internship! I'm pretty hyped about this cause our apartment looks awesome and I'm gonna be working in a mall. Or the mall's office. Either or. Freaking excited!
I know, I know. No picture no talk right. I HAVE PICTURES FROM QW THIS MORNING OK. Behold!
Therefore I'm gonna be away for 3 months. 2+ months to be exact.
I sound boring.
I'm not sure about the possibility of internet connection there but I will be bringing my iPhone and a BB for a local number... And my laptop. Of course my laptop, it was half the catalyst reason why my Mum bought it for me. Love her max :')
Because I'm gonna be overseas, I will TRY MY BEST to blog pictures and as much as I can whenever possible to keep in touch! Though I'm unsure if blogger is blocked there? Hmm....
Ughkdavbasdmnvniue I'm gonna go roll on my bed with excitement.
I think too much. Overthink. Oversensitive. There are things that I can brush off and ignore but they always come haunting me.
Today's interview sucked. Have never screwed up something so badly before. The worst is not not being able
to go, but to be stuck here doing something I probably dislike. I have whined and ranted and forced my emotions on friends but it doesn't seem enough. I can't get my point across to who it really matters to. Come tomorrow, this will be a thing of the past. I will eat my super euphoria-inducing cake and let it go. But the mind is really complex. Or should I say: "Scumbag Brain"?
The past few weeks I've been pretty much MIA from lectures. Occasionally the tutorials and all I've been doing with that time is stay at home. I can't deal with certain situations, so I avoid. God knows how many times I've done this but as I've said, everything haunts me in the end. Only after feeling so horrible like now over those memories will I truly have let go.
This interview was merely a triggering point. I have so many things in the back of my mind. From the standard worries like money to more unusual ones like the unsightly hair on my body which actually leads back to money cause money can do (almost) anything.
I have worries about school, though I don't show it. And worried about my thoughts because sometimes I think of such pessimistic stuff that it really scares me when I start thinking straight. For a start, I have thought of something so repulsive, it irks me to know that my mind is capable
of such insane visuals. I never want to remember that again but it's already deeply embossed in my mind.
Once again, all these thoughts make no sense and they come out in words that barely makes sense to me at first read.
I'm a worrier. Worrier warrior if you may. I would be smatter than Einstein if my IQ went up by 0.5 each time I worry. I would be richer than Bill Gates if I get $1 per worry. You see the point? Most of the time, this "worry" of mine is over such a trivial matter, I think back months ahead and laugh at myself. Because after all, why worry if worrying does not make it go away?
Was sort of reflecting on my life a little last night, and I realized that no materialistic gain could ever, ever replace my family, and friends. I mean, I knew that from the start, but it didn't hit into me yet.
I thought of 'what ifs'. Millions of them. What would I do if I ever lost a family member? I've gone through that, but we must all accept that it's part of life. What if it were someone closer? I would literally die there and then. I'm weak, I am only human.
What if I were to lose a friend. Friends like A & X are hard to come by. In fact, friends like them only come once in a decade. They could probably sum up my life. I can't imagine life without them. It's would just be emptiness.
I appreciate everyone, I really do. And with the people around me right now, I am content.
So the past year, and through the many years back, I realised one thing. Okay I had MANY realisations but THIS is the one thing I wanna share: You Can't Please Everyone
So, make sure you, YOURSELF are happy before trying to please others. It's like you can't love another without loving yourself. It more or less works the same way. This is probably why I may seem selfish to some people, in some circumstances. If it's little things that will please someone and does not adversely affect you, yes go ahead and please that person. But NO, NO NO NO when you will feel upset or anything slightly veering towards the negative end of the scale. Insert compromise here if necessary but it barely works out for me so I'm choosing to be selfish and think of my own happiness in front others'.
Then again, family and a select few friends are people you can NEVER say no too. That's for me though. I can't say no to my mum. I REALLY HATE bringing in the clothes but if she asks, I'll do it. I also REALLY HATE going downstairs from my bedroom just to open the door for my sister, but I still do it, even when she has the key. I can't say no to stupid requests made my Andy and neither can I reject a date with XinJie cause I love her too much. Don't really know what I've sidetracked to here, but the bottom line is to make sure you are happy, before wanting to make another happy. I believe that happiness spreads like a disease, just as laughter is sometimes contagious.
That aside, 2011 was really epic #boringfail. I probably wasted so much time and will regret all that one day. I can't be bothered to work, I can't be bothered to wake up in the mornings. I can't be bothered to attend most classes whenever possible and I really, really can't be bothered by the fact that my grades are barely up to my expectations but I'll leave all that to another day.
I live in a mess physically (bedroom) and mentally. In my head, life happens like a stock market. Unpredictable. Always changing. But I feel stuck. It's like everything is moving up forward on but me. Ever get that feeling? I'm like that most of the time. Especially so in Semester 2.2 cause my lessons are just..... ok I don't have a word for it. Too little seems under and too much is a huge overstatement.
My 2012 resolutions include the usual stuff like:
I will be nicer to people, even those I dislike.
I will be healthier.
I will do my assignments ahead of schedule.
I will study WAY before tests/exams. Hah!
I will be a tidier person.
I will not spend money like water.
I will cherish what I have, and thrash what doesn't matter.
Well it goes on but I can't type anymore. I will update with pictures next time but here's my current favourite picture of me! No face HAHAHA but I really LOVE the colours. This dress is my new can't-be-bothered-to-put-something-presentable-on dress :D